By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
In the dynamic world of small businesses, the relationship between bosses and employees often feels like an epic narrative, where the boss assumes the role of an omnipotent being, doling out tasks with the conviction that their every decision is a stroke of genius. To them, they are the embodiment of wisdom, vision, and authority—a leader whose directives are beyond question. But the employees? Well, they see things a little differently. Think of them as modern-day Jonahs—creative, independent, sometimes rebellious souls who, while skilled and capable, often wrestle with the wisdom of their assigned tasks and the grand plans of their self-appointed deity of a boss.
Enter Jonah, Inc., a fictional but all-too-familiar small business, where every employee’s journey is a story in itself, especially the reluctant protagonist: Jonah the Employee. Much like his biblical namesake, Jonah is given directives that make him question not only his career but also his sanity. He is a man torn between fulfilling his professional obligations and following his gut instincts, which often lead him in a completely different direction from where his boss intended. Yet, Jonah’s story is not just one of reluctance but of the universal struggle in small businesses—where ambition, humor, stubbornness, and human frailty collide in the daily drama of survival, innovation, and, sometimes, pure office chaos. What follows is a satirical look at the inner workings of this small but feisty business, blending humor, common sense, and a healthy dose of real-world insight into why employees—like Jonah—often march to the beat of their own drum.
The Call: “Go to Nineveh. Or, You Know, That Client Nobody Wants”
Jonah worked for God’s Grace Consulting, a boutique firm that specialized in solving impossible problems for clients that other firms wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Run by a boss who fancied himself as a mix of Steve Jobs, Gordon Ramsay, and, well, God, the firm had made its name by turning around hopeless clients—at least on paper.
One day, the boss came to Jonah with a grand request.
“Jonah,” said YHWH, the company’s enigmatic CEO, “I need you to go to Nineveh & Sons, our most difficult client. Their books are a mess, their leadership is incompetent, and their employees make sloths look like they’re on Red Bull. Go fix them.”
Now, if Jonah were an enthusiastic go-getter, this would be the moment where he embraced the challenge, fired off emails, and stormed into Nineveh with the passion of an Instagram motivational speaker. But Jonah, as we know, was more of the “Oh no, not again” kind of guy.
“I’ll get right on it, boss,” Jonah said, knowing full well he wasn’t about to do anything of the sort.
Instead of heading to Nineveh, Jonah decided that a weekend in Tarshish, a picturesque town known for its minimal Wi-Fi, sounded better. After all, what was the point in fixing Nineveh’s problems? These people were beyond saving. They’d probably screw up again next quarter anyway. Why waste the effort? He figured a little R&R in Tarshish would allow him to return, say he tried, and quietly move on to something less suicidal—like handling accounts for Karma Demolition Corp.
The Great Escape: “Setting Sail for Tarshish”
Jonah booked his trip on Lazy Seas Cruises, a budget cruise line notorious for its bad food and leaky cabins. But what did it matter? As long as the cruise got him away from the chaos of his boss and Nineveh, he was content to endure a few days of subpar buffet shrimp.
As fate would have it, however, Lazy Seas wasn’t known for smooth sailing. Jonah had barely unpacked his overstuffed carry-on when a storm hit. It was like the heavens themselves were upset that Jonah was shirking his responsibilities. The ship began to toss and turn, and soon enough, the other passengers—small business owners themselves—started to panic.
A frantic meeting was called in the ship’s makeshift boardroom, and after much finger-pointing, someone suggested, “Maybe we’re being punished because one of us is avoiding a major client.”
All eyes turned to Jonah, who had been quietly stuffing his face with pretzels in the back.
“Alright, alright,” Jonah said, throwing his hands up. “Yes, it’s me. I’m avoiding Nineveh. But, honestly, have any of you ever worked with these people? They make Bob’s Discount Funeral Services look like a Fortune 500 company!”
With no better options, the other passengers did what any reasonable business owner would do: they threw Jonah overboard.
The Big Fish (Otherwise Known as Corporate Karma)
You would think this is where Jonah’s story ends—a soggy, ungraceful descent into the depths of the ocean. But as with most corporate stories, things only got weirder.
Just as Jonah was about to sink, he was swallowed by a gigantic fish. Or, more specifically, a metaphorical fish—a black hole of incompetence and bureaucracy known as Whale Corp., a multinational consulting firm infamous for taking on clients like Nineveh but never really solving anything. If you’ve ever worked in a large organization where projects go to die, you’ve experienced Whale Corp. firsthand.
Inside the belly of the beast, Jonah had plenty of time to reflect on his decisions. Maybe, just maybe, his boss had a point. Nineveh might be a disaster, but they were still a client, and clients, no matter how misguided, still pay the bills. Plus, if he didn’t fix Nineveh, who else would?
After three days of suffocating in bureaucratic red tape and performance reviews, Jonah was finally spat out onto the shore—right outside Nineveh & Sons headquarters.
The Reluctant Return: “Fine, I’ll Do It”
Grumbling to himself and still smelling faintly of whale breath, Jonah trudged into Nineveh & Sons, prepared to do the bare minimum. If his boss wanted him to save the company, he would, but it wouldn’t be pretty. Jonah wasn’t about to go full-on hero mode; no, he was going to give these people a half-hearted PowerPoint, some vague suggestions, and call it a day.
“Repent, I guess,” Jonah mumbled to the company’s CEO, Mr. Nineveh, a man who could barely keep his coffee cup upright, let alone his business.
But to Jonah’s shock and horror, Nineveh took his advice seriously. Like, really seriously. Within hours, the entire company had turned around its operations. They fired the incompetent managers, hired new staff, and implemented every system Jonah suggested in his half-baked presentation. It was a miracle of biblical proportions—or at least, the small business version of one.
Jonah’s Meltdown: “Wait, That Worked?”
You would think Jonah would be thrilled. After all, he had done what his boss asked, saved the client, and could finally move on to something else. But no. Jonah was furious. He had been hoping Nineveh would fail spectacularly, giving him the perfect excuse to say, “See, I told you they were hopeless.” Instead, he had to watch as the company became a shining example of success, winning awards for its turnaround and praising Jonah as its savior.
In a fit of anger, Jonah stormed out to the company’s rooftop, where he sulked under a dying plant. He muttered to himself, “If Nineveh can turn around this fast, what’s the point of even trying? I might as well give up consulting altogether!”
That’s when his boss, YHWH, appeared.
“Jonah,” said the boss in his usual condescending yet fatherly tone, “are you really that upset about Nineveh succeeding?”
“Yes!” Jonah shouted. “I was hoping they’d fail so you could punish them. They didn’t deserve to be saved! They were terrible!”
The boss chuckled and shook his head. “Jonah, you’re upset about a company turning itself around, something you didn’t even fully help with. If you’re so concerned about that, should I not be concerned about an entire company, one with hundreds of employees and their families, depending on its success?”
Jonah grumbled something inaudible. The boss continued, “Look, you did your job, whether you meant to or not. And Nineveh’s success means more business for us. So, get off the roof and stop sulking. You’ve got more clients to save—or at least, attempt to save.”
The Lesson: “You Can’t Outrun the Task”
Jonah’s story, like that of many small business consultants, is a reminder that you can’t always escape the work you’re given, no matter how much you try. Sometimes, the clients you want to avoid turn out to be the ones who need you the most. And sometimes, the most reluctant efforts can produce the best results. In the end, it’s not about whether you want to do the job—it’s about showing up and letting the chips fall where they may.
So, the next time your boss sends you to Nineveh & Sons, remember: you can try to run, but sooner or later, you’ll end up right where you were meant to be. Hopefully, without a detour through a giant fish.
Fun Facts, Tidbits, and Humor:
- Jonah’s original plan to escape on Lazy Seas Cruises was inspired by real-life incidents where employees take extreme measures to avoid difficult tasks. According to one study, 15% of employees have taken “strategic sick days” to avoid confronting a problematic client. Don’t we all know a Jonah?
- Whale Corp., the metaphorical consulting firm that swallowed Jonah, is based on real-world examples of large companies where bureaucracy reigns supreme. There are stories of employees working for months without knowing who their direct manager is, lost in the corporate whale’s belly.
- Nineveh’s surprising turnaround? It’s a satire on the consulting world, where half-hearted efforts sometimes lead to unexpected success. According to Harvard Business Review, 70% of corporate turnarounds fail due to poor implementation. Jonah’s case is part of the 30% that succeed, much to his chagrin.
- Jonah’s rooftop tantrum was partly inspired by modern-day entrepreneurs who, after creating highly successful companies, often feel disillusioned when things don’t go exactly as planned—like, for instance, being annoyed that they didn’t fail spectacularly enough to be proven “right.”
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com), Uber for handymen (Fixaars.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.