By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Nairobi isn’t just a city.
It’s a state of mind. A daily workout. A chaotic romance. A motivational speaker wrapped in dust, Wi-Fi, and boda boda horns.
You don’t visit Nairobi. You survive it — and then fall in love with the madness.
Welcome to Nairobbery (Affectionately)
Locals jokingly call it “Nairobbery” — not because they don’t love it, but because Nairobi will rob you of sleep, time, expectations, and sometimes your phone. (Hold it tight.)
But for all its bumps and bruises, Nairobi gives something back: energy. Drive. The urge to hustle like your ancestors are watching.
It’s New York on espresso. Lagos with better weather. Johannesburg minus the accent. And everything moves — fast. Nairobians walk like they have five meetings and no time to explain. If you’re slow, you’ll be left behind or converted into a motivational quote.
City of Hustlers, Hackers & Hope
From CEOs to street hawkers, everyone in Nairobi is selling something — airtime, hope, a dream, or a plot of land that may or may not exist.
- Need a resume? There’s a guy in town who will write one while you wait. With a headshot.
- Need a visa photo? There’s someone outside the embassy with a plastic chair and a printer — and you’ll look presidential.
- Need your shoes shined, passport laminated, and a love letter typed? One corner, three services. Plus spiritual consultation for free.
Everyone here has a side hustle, a startup pitch, or a conspiracy theory about matatus and the Illuminati. There are PhDs in selling boiled eggs and MBAs in hawking sugarcane.
And don’t be surprised if someone hands you a business card in traffic. That’s Nairobi. You market everywhere — even at red lights, in rain, while dodging potholes the size of baby elephants.
Concrete, Chaos, and Construction
Nairobi is forever under construction. Sidewalks are dreams. Roads are suggestions. And that building you saw yesterday? It’s probably a cafe now, or maybe a hardware store, or both.
There’s a roundabout where everyone does their own thing. Some go clockwise. Some go spiritual. Nobody knows who has right of way — but somehow, no one dies. It’s like Mario Kart with divine intervention.
Yes — there are zebra crossings. But even the zebras avoid them.
Still, the city works. In its own rhythm. Like jazz with potholes.
Matatus: The Urban Safari
Matatus aren’t just public transport — they’re street culture on steroids.
In Nairobi, you don’t board a matatu. You join a vibe.
It might have strobe lights. It might have subwoofers that give you a chest massage. The conductor might be preaching or proposing marriage. Or both.
Some matatus look like spaceships. Some play music so loud, your ancestors start dancing. If you survive a ride from Gikambura to CBD without losing your hearing, you earn honorary citizenship.
Drivers believe the brake pedal is optional. Seatbelts are decorative. And traffic rules? Merely advice.
Nairobi by Day: Coffee, Meetings & Deals
Kenyans take coffee seriously. Not just because they grow it — but because every deal starts with a cup.
- Want a partnership? Meet at Java House.
- Want to break up? Meet at Artcaffe.
- Want to close funding? Meet at a co-working space with barista-grade Wi-Fi.
And when they say “Let’s meet at 10,” just bring a snack. They mean 11:45. Kenyan Time is a spiritual dimension. You’ll get used to it by Chapter Twelve.
Nairobi by Night: Lights, Laughter & Logistics
When the sun goes down, Nairobi wakes up in a new outfit.
From Westlands to Kilimani, the party is eternal.
- Rooftop lounges where the cocktails are complicated and so are the people.
- Reggae nights with lyrics that hit harder when you’ve had two Tuskers.
- Late-night nyama choma joints where strangers become family — or at least teammates on a shared taxi ride.
If it’s after midnight and you’re eating fried liver and ugali with a stranger while sharing theories on land title deeds — welcome. You’re officially in.
But don’t get too comfortable. Nairobi has a sixth sense. The moment you think you’ve figured it out, the power might go out… or a camel will cross the road. Yes, a real camel.
Fun Facts & Street Logic
- Nairobi is the only city in the world where you can see lions in the morning and close a tech deal in the afternoon.
- Most Nairobians own umbrellas but prefer vibes.
- There’s a rumor the city was designed by a drunk British architect and a committee of retired giraffes.
- Everyone has a cousin “in government” — even if they’ve never met them.
- No one ever really knows when the rain will come. But when it does, traffic becomes a Netflix thriller.
- In Nairobi, your Uber driver might also be a gospel artist, crypto investor, and TikTok life coach.
Final Thought: Love Nairobi Loudly
Nairobi is not gentle. It doesn’t whisper.
It honks. It hustles. It hugs you with both hands and steals your stress (and maybe your charger).
But it teaches you things no classroom can.
- How to dream out loud.
- How to pitch with nothing but belief.
- How to love strangers and argue with friends — then share a plate of mutura.
If you want safety, go to Switzerland.
If you want soul? Come to Nairobi.
Next up in Chapter Nine:
“Kenyan Women: Grace, Hustle, & Why You Shouldn’t Underestimate Auntie Vibes.”
About the Author
John is an entrepreneur, strategist, and founder of JS Morlu, LLC, a Virginia based CPA firm with multiple software ventures including www.FinovatePro.com, www.Recksoft.com and www.Fixaars.com . With operations spanning multiple countries, John is on a mission to build global infrastructure that empowers small businesses, entrepreneurs, and professionals to thrive in an increasingly competitive world. He believes in hard truths, smart execution, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. When he’s not writing or building, he’s challenging someone to a productivity contest—or inventing software that automates it.
