By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
In every society, there’s a hidden force holding things together — not politicians, not CEOs, not the Wi-Fi password…
But women. Kenyan women.
And if you’ve spent more than five minutes in Kenya, you’ve already witnessed their impact. They run businesses, households, weddings, side hustles, churches, savings groups, and half of government — whether they’re officially listed or not.
Let’s just say, if Kenya ever decided to hand over full power to women, the country would be debt-free, fully fed, and wearing matching outfits by next Thursday.
The Swagger Is Silent but Deadly
Kenyan women don’t raise their voices. They raise eyebrows. And somehow, that’s more terrifying.
They walk with purpose. Shop like generals. Negotiate like diplomats. They can ask for a 70% discount with a smile that says, “Try me, I dare you.”
You think you’re smart? Wait until she flips the conversation and you find yourself apologizing for something you didn’t even do.
Hustle Is in Their DNA
There is no Kenyan woman without a hustle. Some have two, three, even four.
- Office administrator by day. Nail tech by lunch. Baker by evening. Landlord by weekend.
- She’ll do payroll, MC your wedding, organize a baby shower, sell insurance in the group chat, and still remind you that you haven’t paid her back for that M-Pesa she sent last week.
Need an emergency loan? Your mother, cousin, auntie, or friend probably runs a chama (rotating savings group). These women are literally the original microfinance institutions. If banks collapse, Kenya will still run — on chama money and gossip.
Fashion? It’s a War Zone
Kenyan women don’t dress. They arrive.
From Gikomba thrift queens to Karen couture mamas — each look is intentional, strategic, and often layered with jewelry that could double as family investments.
- The nails? Sharp enough to open soda bottles and debate simultaneously.
- The wigs? Imported, blessed, and maintained with reverence.
- The confidence? Bulletproof.
Go to a wedding and you’ll see outfits that could start a new religion. Someone once wore a glittering dress that reflected sunlight so well, it delayed a plane at Wilson Airport.
Language as a Weapon
Kenyan women are multilingual in Swahili, English, Sheng, Sarcasm, and “Look-at-this-man.”
They will insult you poetically — then serve you tea. They don’t argue. They win conversations.
One minute you’re explaining Bitcoin. Next minute you’re volunteering to babysit her niece because somehow… she convinced you it was your idea.
She’ll say “haki ya Mungu” and have you confessing sins you didn’t commit.
Cook, Clean, Conquer… and Still Read a Book
Let’s not even get into their kitchen game. Kenyan women can make a feast out of onions, tomato, and a prayer.
Their ugali is fluffy. Their chapatis are round. Their tea is hot and judgmental. And if you try to mess with their recipe, they’ll say, “That’s not how we do it in our home” — and that’s your cue to back off.
They’ve mastered the sacred art of balancing a baby on one hip while cooking, reading the Bible, running a WhatsApp business, managing drama in the family group chat, and still correcting your English.
Fun Facts & Auntie Wisdom
- Every Kenyan woman over 35 is qualified to be an auntie, even if she has no siblings. It’s not biology. It’s a spiritual promotion.
- There are three ways to earn her wrath: be late, lie about your salary, or forget her birthday. The punishment is subtle but permanent.
- She doesn’t just read WhatsApp forwards — she believes them. And shares them at 5am.
- If a Kenyan woman says “We need to talk,” just go to church. You’ll need prayer, fasting, and possibly a support group.
- Her handbag contains everything — receipts from 2004, Vaseline, backup earrings, a portable charger, and a small Bible.
- Some can make a budget so tight it gets audited by God.
Don’t Mistake Her Smile for Surrender
Whether she’s in Parliament, running a kiosk, or managing a school, Kenyan women don’t wait for permission. They make space.
They build. They lead. They parent entire neighborhoods. They can run three events in one weekend and still show up to Monday meetings with their edges laid and lunch packed.
And they don’t need applause — but they deserve it.
So next time you’re in Kenya, pay attention.
Behind every successful man is a Kenyan woman.
And behind her? A bunch of receipts, a sharp memory, and the quiet power to make or break your week.
Next up in Chapter Ten:
“Hustle & Harmony – Nairobi Churches, Nightclubs, and Everything in Between.”
About the Author
John is an entrepreneur, strategist, and founder of JS Morlu, LLC, a Virginia based CPA firm with multiple software ventures including www.FinovatePro.com, www.Recksoft.com and www.Fixaars.com . With operations spanning multiple countries, John is on a mission to build global infrastructure that empowers small businesses, entrepreneurs, and professionals to thrive in an increasingly competitive world. He believes in hard truths, smart execution, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. When he’s not writing or building, he’s challenging someone to a productivity contest—or inventing software that automates it.
