By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Let me start with a riddle:
What do Nairobi apartments and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
Answer: You’re never sure how they work — but someone’s always bragging about solving them.
Welcome to Kenya’s real estate sector — where the buildings grow taller, the rents grow faster, and the logic sometimes packs its bags and moves to Tanzania.
12 Keys to the Same Apartment
The first thing you’ll notice when you rent a flat in Nairobi is… the keychain.
It looks like you’re guarding a bank vault.
- Front gate key
- Lobby gate key
- Stairwell gate key
- Apartment gate key
- Main door key
- Bedroom key
- Balcony lock
- Water meter cage
- Electric meter cage
- Panic room (yes, sometimes)
- Wi-Fi router cabinet
- And finally — a mysterious extra key that nobody remembers but you’re told to “keep just in case.”
You feel like a medieval knight every time you go home. The sound of jangling keys alone can trigger car alarms.
By the time you unlock the front door, you’ve completed an obstacle course worthy of Squid Game: Nairobi Edition.
Parking? What Parking?
Now let’s talk about the elephant in the driveway — or lack thereof.
Many Nairobi buildings proudly advertise “ample parking.”
What they don’t tell you is that it’s ample for tuk-tuks or imaginary cars.
Some buildings have vertical parking — not because it’s efficient, but because you’ll need to lift your car spiritually to fit.
You might find yourself circling like a matatu in a roundabout, praying someone decides to Uber that day. If you do get a spot, congratulations — you’re now the neighborhood mayor.
And if you live in Westlands? You’d better have a friend with a driveway or a very forgiving landlord.
The Rent Is… Ambitious
In Nairobi, landlords are dreamers.
A one-bedroom with exposed wires, a view of your neighbor’s bathroom window, and a shower that doubles as a sink?
That’ll be KES 90,000 a month — and “water not included.”
What you’re paying for, apparently, is location, ambiance, and potential future gentrification.
Even more hilarious: Rent hikes come with no explanation. One month it’s 60k, the next it’s 75k — and when you ask why, you’ll hear:
“The area is growing.”
Growing into what? A data center?
Some units even charge for stairs — because “shared spaces are value-added.”
Construction Never Sleeps
One thing’s for sure: Kenya is building. Constantly.
Every skyline in Nairobi, Kisumu, and Mombasa has one thing in common:
Cranes.
Buildings are going up faster than you can say “zoning permit.”
There’s always a construction site nearby — with workers in flip-flops casually welding balconies with Olympic-level focus.
Fun fact: In some places, there are more unfinished apartments than people who want to live in them — but optimism is Kenya’s national fuel.
Need a 5-bedroom penthouse in a neighborhood with no supermarket?
It’s under construction. Move-in date: “End of Q3” (which usually means Christmas. Of some year. Eventually.)
Bonus Features: Kind Of
Modern Kenyan apartments come with “amenities” that sound exciting until you use them.
- Backup Generator: Works, but only if someone remembers to fuel it.
- Wi-Fi Ready: If your neighbor lets you borrow their password.
- Gym on Site: Two dumbbells, one broken treadmill, and a mirror for selfies.
- Swimming Pool: Looks nice, but last cleaned during the Obama administration.
- Rooftop Lounge: Translation — two plastic chairs and someone’s old laundry.
Still, the vibe is unbeatable. Rooftop views, homemade chapati smells drifting in, and the occasional gospel music battle between neighbors.
What It All Means: Adapt or Airbnb
If you want to survive Kenya’s real estate game, bring four things:
- Patience
- Humor
- Cash
- A power bank
Also — ask about water before you sign anything. Water here is like a part-time employee: shows up when it wants.
Fun Facts to Know Before You House Hunt
- Many buildings are named after European capitals they’ll never resemble (e.g. “Venice Gardens,” “Berlin Heights,” “Paris View”).
- Elevators are optional. Power backups are mythical.
- You’ll need to know what “All-Inclusive” really includes — usually just rent and disappointment.
- Real estate agents will promise you a view. They just won’t say of what.
- The higher the floor, the lower the chance of water pressure — but better selfies.
- Some buildings come with security guards who double as pastors, referees, and event DJs.
- There’s always at least one unit with no tenant, no locks, and yet mysteriously always open.
Final Word: Dream Big, Lock Twice
Kenya’s real estate scene is chaotic, confident, and somehow still charming.
You’ll find beauty, frustration, and random goats — often in the same compound.
And if you survive Nairobi rent for six months?
You can survive anything. Even Lagos.
Next up in Chapter Five:
Kenya’s “Side Hustle Nation” — why everyone has three jobs, two businesses, and an unexplainable Instagram page.
About the Author
John is an entrepreneur, strategist, and founder of JS Morlu, LLC, a Virginia based CPA firm with multiple software ventures including www.FinovatePro.com, www.Recksoft.com and www.Fixaars.com . With operations spanning multiple countries, John is on a mission to build global infrastructure that empowers small businesses, entrepreneurs, and professionals to thrive in an increasingly competitive world. He believes in hard truths, smart execution, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. When he’s not writing or building, he’s challenging someone to a productivity contest—or inventing software that automates it.
