By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Opening Story:
Imagine this. You’re sitting in a café waiting for a friend. They said, “I’ll be there at 2:00.”
It’s 2:15. You’re sipping lukewarm coffee.
It’s 2:30. You’re scrolling your phone, debating whether you should text or just pretend you’re fine.
It’s 2:45. You’re no longer annoyed at the delay — you’re annoyed at yourself for believing this time they’d be on time.
This is the expectation gap in miniature. You didn’t just lose 45 minutes. You lost peace of mind because the gap between what you expected and what actually happened was too wide.
Now scale that up — to marriages, friendships, careers, even politics — and you have the story of human frustration.
“Frustration is the tax we pay on demanding reality to be our fantasy.”
There’s an old saying in psychology: Expectation is the mother of resentment.
And nowhere is that more painfully obvious than in relationships — romantic, professional, even political.
The wider the gap between what you want someone to be and who they actually are, the more you end up marinating in disappointment.
If the gap is ocean-wide, you will drown in it. Not because the ocean hates you — but because you brought hiking boots to a swimming competition.
A Tale as Old as…Well, Us
Consider ancient Greek mythology. Pygmalion fell in love with a statue he carved. He didn’t love a woman — he loved an idea of a woman.
We laugh at the myth, but we’re running the same software in 2025. Most of us are in relationships — at work, at home, online — not with actual people, but with mental PowerPoint slides of who we think they should be.
We meet someone — a friend, partner, boss, political leader — and in our heads we sculpt them into a perfect, upgraded version:
- more ambitious
- more romantic
- less messy
- less human
The problem is, unlike Pygmalion’s statue, the people in our lives don’t stay frozen.
They come with their own operating system — sometimes outdated, occasionally buggy, often resistant to updates.
Fun historical tidbit: Ancient philosophers like Heraclitus warned that you can’t step into the same river twice.
People keep changing, yet we expect them to match a still photo we took of them in our imagination. That’s like buying milk and being mad it doesn’t stay fresh for five years.
Modern-Day Expectation Traps
1. The Romantic Upgrade Fantasy
You like someone quiet and introverted but secretly wish they’d “open up and be more fun.” That’s like buying a bicycle and expecting it to sprout wings — then blaming the bicycle for not being an airplane.
Many breakups boil down to this single sentence: “You never became the person I imagined.”
Satirical aside: The wedding industry should probably sell return policies.
2. The “Future Leader” Employee
A manager hires someone with the dream that they’ll evolve into a visionary rockstar.
A year later, the person is still asking, “Where’s the stapler?” — and the manager is googling stress-related ulcers.
Corporate history is littered with these “potential hires” that stayed perpetually in beta.
Some even get promoted because of the myth of their potential — then proceed to wreak havoc at a higher salary.
3. The Celebrity Illusion
Social media shows flawless highlight reels. We expect our partners, friends, even ourselves to match the filtered fantasy.
Spoiler: they don’t. Neither do we.
Fun fact: In a UK survey, 79% of people admitted editing their vacation photos to look happier than they really were.
So you’re comparing your worst Tuesday morning to someone’s carefully staged, sun-kissed illusion.
4. The Politician Myth
We elect leaders expecting them to be philosopher-kings with the discipline of Marcus Aurelius and the charm of JFK.
More often, we get people who need three aides just to keep track of their own appointments.
Entire nations live in perpetual heartbreak over the leaders they hoped they’d elected. It’s not even new — the Romans had the same complaints 2,000 years ago. History doesn’t repeat itself; it just forgets its password.
Fun Facts About Human Nature (a.k.a. The Reality Check)
- A Harvard study on relationships spanning 80+ years found that expectation mismatch — not income, not education — was the #1 predictor of long-term dissatisfaction.
- Behavioral economists talk about hedonic adaptation: we quickly adjust to what we get, then raise the bar. That’s why the shiny new phone stops thrilling you after two weeks.
- The Stoics like Epictetus warned: “Don’t wish for events to happen as you want them, but wish them to happen as they do happen.”
Translation: stop negotiating with reality; it’s a lousy business partner.
Tiny historical punchline: Marcus Aurelius was literally emperor of the known world, yet spent nights writing pep-talks to himself about accepting disappointment. If he couldn’t bend reality to his will, maybe we should stop trying too.
Satirical Reality Check
- Expecting your cat to behave like a loyal dog? Prepare to be ghosted in your own house.
- Expecting your in-laws to treat you like their favorite child? History suggests you may need therapy, not hope.
- Expecting your boss to reward hard work without being reminded? That’s like expecting toddlers to brush their teeth without supervision — possible, but rare.
Anecdote: An old joke says marriage is basically two people spending years arguing over the right way to load a dishwasher. That’s the expectation gap in action.
The Expectation–Frustration Equation
Frustration=Expectation–Reality
The higher the expectation, the steeper the emotional crash. It’s not that you should have no expectations — just realistic, flexible ones.
Hope is healthy. Entitlement is corrosive.
Practical Solutions: Closing the Gap
1. Lower, Don’t Abandon, Expectations
Lowering your expectations isn’t defeat — it’s choosing peace over permanent irritation. If you know your friend always runs late, stop expecting punctuality. Bring a book, or order the appetizer.
2. Separate Wants from Needs
Wanting someone to “get” your obscure sense of humor is a preference, not a requirement. Needing honesty, respect, and basic decency? Non-negotiable.
3. Release the Sculptor’s Chisel
Stop trying to mold people into your fantasy. The moment you start “project-managing” your partner or employee’s personality, you’ve set yourself up for resentment.
4. Practice Reality Acceptance
The Stoics weren’t pessimists; they were realists. They knew that suffering comes more from arguing with reality than from reality itself. Call it the serenity upgrade — software we all need to install.
5. Invest Energy Where It Pays Off
Instead of obsessing over why someone isn’t who you want them to be, double down on your own growth.
That’s one place where expectations and effort actually meet.
Punchlines Worth Remembering
- “You don’t drown in the ocean — you drown in the gap between what you expected the ocean to be and what it is.”
- “Falling in love with potential is the world’s oldest pyramid scheme: you keep investing, but the promised return rarely arrives.”
- “The fastest path to peace is dropping the fantasy and meeting reality where it is.”
Closing Thought
A life spent demanding that other people — or life itself — play by your script is a slow torture. A life spent meeting people as they really are — and adjusting your expectations accordingly — isn’t resignation. It’s emotional freedom.
Or as the Stoics might have tweeted (if they had Wi-Fi):
“Expect less. Appreciate more. Live better.”
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.