By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Introduction
In the world of small businesses, every entrepreneur begins with grand dreams, convinced that they’re on the cusp of creating the next Google, Apple, or Tesla. The allure is irresistible: the promise of freedom, wealth, and self-determination, all wrapped up in the romantic notion of being your own boss. But beneath the glossy veneer of startup culture, there’s a harsh reality waiting to rear its head. For most business owners, the daily grind is less about global domination and more about dodging financial ruin, praying for enough customers to keep the lights on for another week, and surviving a never-ending rollercoaster of uncertainty.
What no one tells you about this entrepreneurial journey is that it’s less a smooth ride down easy street and more like being cast into the depths of an unforgiving wilderness. Instead of a leisurely walk through the lush gardens of success, it’s a grueling trek through an arid desert, full of unforeseen challenges, painful sacrifices, and moments that test your resilience. And if that sounds too gentle an analogy, let’s get real: running a small business is like being trapped in a metaphorical concentration camp of commerce—an environment where optimism struggles to survive, and hope feels like a distant memory. There are no clear deadlines, no guarantees, and often, no escape.
Yet, despite the odds, entrepreneurs press on, navigating the rough and tumble of the business world, clinging to the belief that their perseverance will eventually pay off. The stakes are high, the uncertainty is relentless, and the survival rate is slim, but that unyielding spark—the belief that “this could be the one”—keeps them going. It’s a battlefield disguised as a dream, where the spoils go not to the strongest or smartest, but to those with the sheer grit to endure. Ready to enter the camp? Let’s dive in.
Chapter 1: Meet the Campers: Our Small Business Heroes
Welcome to Camp Entrepreneurship, where dreams go to either die or, on the rarest of occasions, bloom into something remarkable. Here, the scenery is equal parts desperation and optimism, and the weather forecast promises a storm of uncertainty, with a side of self-doubt. But who are the brave souls who voluntarily enter this brutal wilderness? Meet our campers—our small business heroes.
Steve Stonefield: CEO of InstaLawn, Master of Green Despair
First up is Steve Stonefield, the man behind InstaLawn, a startup specializing in instant lawn installations for suburbanites. In Steve’s mind, there was nothing more foolproof than delivering lush green grass to people’s homes, instantly transforming their barren patches of dirt into golf-course-level lawns. Simple, right? Wrong.
Steve’s been running InstaLawn for three years, but his manicured dreams have yet to take root. His last memory of a proper weekend is hazy at best, having sacrificed every Saturday and Sunday to the god of small business. His office? The back of his van, naturally—an ergonomic nightmare where receipts pile up in the cup holders, and the smell of sweat-soaked grass permeates everything he owns. Every morning, he wakes up with hope in his heart and dirt under his fingernails.
Steve’s greatest joy comes from the small victories, like the rare occasions when he has enough left over after paying his team to indulge in a footlong sub for lunch. “What do you mean guac is extra?” he mutters, clutching a handful of change, staring forlornly at the cashier. Despite the struggles, Steve remains fiercely determined, convinced that InstaLawn is just one big break away from dethroning fake turf as the suburban king.
Carla Driftwood: Caffeine Queen in Financial Quicksand
Next, we have Carla Driftwood, the proud owner of Cuppa Buzz, a hipster coffee shop on the wrong side of town—well, “wrong side” depending on your perspective. Carla sees potential in her dingy location. “Gentrification is just a viral post away,” she insists to anyone who will listen. Armed with a deep love for organic coffee beans, mismatched furniture, and a strong social media game (in her mind, at least), Carla’s certain that one lucky tweet will catapult her into a whirlwind of cappuccino fame.
However, reality, much like her aging espresso machine, has been slow to deliver results. Carla’s “top-tier marketing strategy” includes posting a blurry picture of her latte art on Facebook using her grandma’s rotary phone (because, let’s face it, retro is in). Her finances? Let’s just say she’s perpetually “between funds.” Every morning, Carla opens Cuppa Buzz to the intoxicating smell of artisanal beans and the bitter aftertaste of looming bankruptcy. Yet, undeterred, she pushes on, certain that the right influencer will walk through the door any day now—despite the fact that the only regulars she’s had lately are two squirrels scavenging in the dumpster out back.
Roger Bunk: Fitness Guru, Pandemic Survivor, Master of Empty Gyms
Finally, we come to Roger Bunk, founder of Beast Mode Gym, a fitness center he opened just before the latest global pandemic—perfect timing! Nothing screams “success” like launching a brick-and-mortar gym when the world is being told to stay indoors and do push-ups with their dogs.
Roger envisioned Beast Mode Gym as the ultimate temple of strength, a place where the ripped, the shredded, and the determined could all congregate to lift weights, sweat profusely, and shout inspirational slogans at their reflection. Unfortunately, reality had other plans. His clientele? A bizarre mix of elderly yogis, retirees with questionable flexibility, and confused souls who wander in thinking a treadmill is a medieval torture device. The only beast mode being activated is Roger himself, as he daily wrestles with existential questions like, “Is anyone actually going to sign up for a membership longer than a week?”
His motivational speeches, once delivered with gusto to prospective customers, are now directed at the only person still paying attention—himself. “You’ve got this, Roger!” he whispers to the mirror, fist-pumping like his life depends on it. After all, if he believes in Beast Mode Gym, maybe, just maybe, someone else will too—eventually.
The Campgrounds: Welcome to Small Business Hell
These brave souls have unwittingly entered the business equivalent of a concentration camp—where the days are long, the nights are restless, and the prospects for freedom are questionable at best. Imagine a camping trip where instead of marshmallows and bonfires, you’re handed a pile of paperwork, a broken GPS, and a never-ending loop of motivational TED Talks. The only survival gear? A rusty compass of blind optimism and a half-baked business plan scribbled on the back of a napkin.
And much like those hapless campers who wander into the wilderness armed with only hope and a granola bar, our small business heroes are left to navigate the rough and tumble world of commerce. Every day brings new challenges: unexpected expenses, uncooperative customers, and that gnawing feeling that maybe—just maybe—they should have stuck with their office jobs. But there’s no turning back now; they’ve pitched their tents, and the camp is open for business.
Fun Fact: The Entrepreneurial Survival Rate
Did you know that only about 50% of small businesses survive beyond the five-year mark? It’s a statistic Steve, Carla, and Roger are keenly aware of, even if they prefer to ignore it. It’s kind of like that ominous rustling in the bushes during a camping trip—you know it’s there, but you’re hoping it’s just the wind and not a bear (or in this case, financial ruin).
What keeps them going? Perhaps it’s the adrenaline rush of watching their bank balance hover perilously close to zero. Or maybe it’s the thrill of fixing yet another equipment breakdown with duct tape and hope. More likely, it’s the stubborn belief that, despite the odds, they can somehow outlast the wilderness and emerge victorious—scarred, but successful.
The “You Can Do It” Campfire Pep Talk
Each evening, as the metaphorical campfire burns low, our entrepreneurs gather ’round for a much-needed pep talk. Steve, still covered in dirt from the latest lawn catastrophe, turns to Carla, who’s frantically trying to figure out how Instagram Stories work on a rotary phone. “Maybe tomorrow’s the day,” he says, his voice tinged with desperation.
Carla nods, though she’s more focused on how to convince her one remaining barista to stick around for another week despite the shop’s negative Yelp reviews. “Yeah,” she replies, “Just one viral post away. We’re all one post away.”
And then there’s Roger, furiously jotting down new slogans to stick on the gym’s bathroom mirrors. “Keep pushing, team!” he shouts, as though he’s coaching a room full of fitness enthusiasts instead of, well, no one. “Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was Beast Mode Gym!”
As the embers of the campfire flicker and fade, our campers return to their tents (or in Steve’s case, the back of his van), ready to face another day in the unforgiving wilderness of small business ownership. They may be down, but they’re certainly not out—not yet.
Stay tuned, dear reader, for as we venture deeper into this camp of commerce, the terrain gets rockier, the stakes get higher, and the antics of our small business heroes get even more absurd. Will they escape the camp? Or will they, like so many before them, succumb to the harsh realities of entrepreneurship? Only time (and perhaps a viral social media post) will tell.
Chapter 2: The Entrance
Much like entering a concentration camp, no one steps into the world of small business ownership fully understanding what awaits them. In the beginning, it’s all bright lights and big dreams—visions of packed storefronts, endless profits, and the undeniable swagger of saying, “I’m my own boss.” Steve, Carla, and Roger were no different. They entered their entrepreneurial journeys with the naive excitement of children walking into Disneyland, completely unaware that the rides were broken, the food was overpriced, and their wallets would soon be as empty as the teacups spinning aimlessly in circles.
Steve, ever the optimist, even wrote a vision statement for InstaLawn: “To cover the world with lawns, one square foot at a time.” He thought it was a clever play on words, and for a brief, shining moment, his business plan was airtight. With a freshly printed logo on his van and a bank account brimming with his life savings, Steve was ready to dominate the lawn game. He had the unwavering support of his golden retriever, Max, whose slobbery head nods gave Steve the confidence to believe that everything was going to be just fine.
Carla, always the visionary, was convinced her artisanal approach to coffee would draw in hipsters from every corner of town—even though her shop was on the wrong side of it. She proudly penned Cuppa Buzz’s mission statement on a chalkboard wall (because nothing says “trendy” like a chalkboard wall): “To brew love, one cup at a time.” Carla dreamed of long lines of customers, each holding a mason jar of her organic, fair-trade blends. Her grandmother’s rotary phone? A quirky charm, she reasoned, that would keep people talking about her shop. Meanwhile, her cat, Mr. Whiskers, would curl up next to her as she typed late-night blog posts titled “Why Corporate Coffee is the Enemy of Love.”
Roger? Well, Roger was ready to transform the world, one poorly attended fitness class at a time. He invested everything in Beast Mode Gym with dreams of turning it into the next big franchise. His business cards had an image of a roaring lion, and his tagline was “Unleash Your Inner Beast.” He was convinced he had created the ultimate community hub for fitness freaks and casual exercisers alike. His goldfish, Flex, was the only witness to his early morning motivational pep talks in the mirror: “I’m going to build a gym empire, and no global pandemic can stop me.”
And Then Came the Twist
But then came the twist. The one nobody saw coming. The moment when Steve, Carla, and Roger realized that the road to entrepreneurial success was paved with potholes the size of Mount Everest and as treacherous as the Snake River.
Steve, for example, quickly learned that the lawn business is seasonal. Who knew that people don’t exactly clamor for new grass installations in the dead of winter? His dream of rolling out InstaLawn across the country suddenly hit a wall when he spent six months of the year praying for warmer weather—and actual clients. The world was not, in fact, ready to be covered in lawns, one square foot at a time. It was more like, “Could we wait until spring?”
Carla’s dream of being the next Starbucks killer ran headfirst into a Starbucks reality. No matter how much love she brewed into each cup, her charming chalkboard menus and vintage phones couldn’t compete with the fact that people wanted free Wi-Fi and consistent coffee that didn’t taste like something filtered through a hipster’s beard. She tried to introduce a “pay-what-you-feel” system to entice customers, only to discover that what they “felt” was approximately $0.00, leaving her financially—and emotionally—bankrupt. Mr. Whiskers could only watch from his sunlit perch as Carla wondered if her Instagram hashtag campaign #CoffeeAsLove had been a terrible mistake.
And poor Roger. Beast Mode Gym should have been a roaring success. But it turns out that launching a gym right before a global pandemic is as smart as opening an umbrella factory in the desert. His “Build Your Own Biceps” classes, designed to turn weaklings into Greek gods, attracted precisely zero customers. To make matters worse, when Roger finally managed to get one person through the door, they mistook his rowing machine for an avant-garde art installation and asked if it came with a wine pairing. Flex, the goldfish, remained Roger’s most loyal client, which wasn’t saying much.
The Journey of Disillusionment Begins
And so began the slow and steady journey of disillusionment. It was a one-way ticket to the Land of Broken Dreams, where optimism goes to die, only to be reborn as sheer, unadulterated stubbornness. Small business ownership wasn’t 90% inspiration and 10% perspiration like the motivational books claimed. It was more like 90% survival, 10%…still survival. It’s an endless series of uphill battles, where every small victory feels like winning a gold medal, and every setback is a punch in the gut from a heavyweight champion.
In this bleak reality, Steve, Carla, and Roger all came to understand that running a small business was less about thriving and more about surviving. Steve now spends his winter months scraping together odd jobs to keep InstaLawn afloat. He tried offering “snow lawns” one year, but it turns out people just don’t see the appeal of fake grass covered in frost. Carla became an expert in making one bag of coffee beans last for an entire month. She even considered introducing a new line of “espresso-flavored water” to cut costs. And Roger? Well, Roger started offering virtual workout classes, hoping people would confuse his living room for a high-end studio on Instagram Live.
The Entrepreneurial Pitfalls: A Few Fun Tidbits
- Fun Fact #1: Did you know that 82% of small businesses fail because of cash flow problems? Steve found this out the hard way when he realized that people weren’t willing to pay in advance for grass. Who knew that cash flow was kind of important when you’ve got a team of lawn technicians who expect to be paid, like, every week?
- Fun Fact #2: Carla discovered that coffee shops, on average, make about 2.5% profit on each cup sold. This means that even if she managed to sell her hipster-infused lattes for $5, she’d still need to sell approximately 10,000 cups per month to break even. But hey, at least her cats had great names!
- Fun Fact #3: Roger learned that gyms experience a 50% drop-off rate in new members after just three months. But he also learned that people will pay $20 a month for a gym membership they never use—making him wonder if his true calling was to start a fitness-themed subscription service for couch potatoes.
Stubbornness is the New Success
Despite the mounting odds and the daily grind, our small business heroes press on, much like campers lost in the wilderness who refuse to admit they’ve made a wrong turn. Steve still dreams of InstaLawn becoming a national sensation, even as he contemplates adding “handyman services” to his business card. Carla continues to post motivational quotes on Instagram in the hope that one day she’ll be discovered by an influencer with more than 12 followers. And Roger? Well, Roger remains steadfast in his belief that Beast Mode Gym will soon be bursting at the seams—if only Flex, the goldfish, could help him spread the word.
Their journey into the small business world may have begun with excitement and wide-eyed dreams, but they’ve quickly learned that the true essence of entrepreneurship isn’t about the grand vision—it’s about the grit, the grind, and the ability to laugh in the face of absurdity. In this camp, the only way out is through, and our campers are determined to make it—one square foot, one cup of coffee, and one motivational bicep curl at a time.
As they settle into the harsh realities of their new campgrounds, our heroes brace themselves for the next chapter of this journey—one where the terrain gets even rockier, and the stakes get higher. Will they make it out? Or will they, like so many before them, become permanent residents in the camp of small business despair? Only time will tell.
Chapter 3: The Hustle and Bustle: Day-to-Day Life
The life of a small business owner is like being in a never-ending military boot camp, except the drill sergeant is Fate—an unforgiving, unpredictable taskmaster who delights in barking orders at the most inconvenient times. There’s no such thing as sleeping in, and every morning begins with a grueling three-hour mental workout just to prepare for the soul-crushing battle ahead. It’s the kind of existence where the coffee pot doubles as a life support machine, and inboxes overflow faster than a broken dam.
For our three intrepid entrepreneurs—Steve, Carla, and Roger—this is the new normal.
At InstaLawn, Steve’s daily routine is a chaotic dance of damage control, disaster management, and the occasional misplaced optimism. His schedule kicks off with frantic emails, each one more perplexing than the last. Five customer complaints before noon, and three of them are about “grass that’s too green.” Yes, apparently that’s a thing. One lady even claims that the grass is “so unnaturally green, it’s upsetting my zen.” Steve is beginning to suspect his customers might be part of some underground anti-lawn conspiracy.
Just when Steve thinks his day can’t get worse, it happens: The Great Turf Incident. It starts innocently enough—he’s delivering a fresh roll of turf to Mrs. Dewberry’s front yard, trying to make up for the “offensive brightness” of her last lawn. But then, out of nowhere, a feral cat attacks. Like a ninja with a vendetta, the feline darts across the yard, claws out, leaving Steve’s pristine turf looking like a Jackson Pollock painting. Mrs. Dewberry witnesses the whole thing and demands a full refund, citing “emotional distress caused by unauthorized wildlife interaction.” Steve adds her to the growing list of enemies.
Meanwhile, over at Cuppa Buzz, Carla’s life is no less chaotic. Running a coffee shop should, in theory, be simple: you brew coffee, you serve coffee, you make money. But this is 2024, and the world of coffee has evolved into a battleground of absurdity. Every 24 hours, seven new coffee trends emerge, each more bewildering than the last. Today, it’s unicorn lattes (yes, they’re glittery) and matcha mochas, tomorrow it could be algae-infused espresso shots served in hollowed-out bamboo straws. It’s like the coffee gods are trolling her.
Amid the chaos, Carla fields questions from her latest customer, a teenager who’s obviously Googled “how to be woke.” The kid leans over the counter, eyes wide with concern. “Is your coffee, like, ethically sourced from a volcano?” he asks, his tone heavy with the weight of moral superiority.
Carla blinks, trying to process the absurdity of the question. Spoiler alert: it’s not. It’s sourced from a local distributor who probably hasn’t seen a volcano in his life. But before she can muster a response, the teen snaps a photo of his latte for Instagram, hashtags it #volcanocoffee, and leaves a 12-cent tip.
Over at Beast Mode Gym, Roger is learning the hard truth about running a fitness center: it has less to do with fitness and more to do with preventing his clients from accidentally injuring themselves. His current mission? Explaining to Gary, one of his more “enthusiastic” members, why attempting deadlifts with a kettleball while wearing flip-flops is a disaster waiting to happen. Gary insists that the flip-flops help him “connect with the earth,” but Roger knows better. The last time Gary “connected with the earth,” it involved a torn hamstring and a $200 chiropractic bill.
The gym may be called Beast Mode, but Roger spends more time cleaning up after the beasts than training them. Sweat puddles, half-empty protein shake bottles, and the occasional pair of forgotten gym socks litter the floor like a post-apocalyptic wasteland. And then there’s the financial side of things, which is proving to be a bigger lift than anything his clients can deadlift. Between coaching classes and picking up after his members, Roger somehow has to figure out how to make rent this month. Spoiler: motivational speeches don’t pay the bills.
Tidbits from the Trenches
- Fun Fact #1: Did you know that 60% of small business owners report feeling constantly overwhelmed by the demands of their work? Steve is a living testament to this statistic, particularly after the third customer of the day sends a complaint about the “vibe” of their lawn not matching the feng shui of their front porch.
- Fun Fact #2: Coffee shops waste up to 25 pounds of coffee beans per week due to “creative experimentation” with new trends. Carla realizes this one evening after staring at a pile of failed turmeric-infused espresso shots. She briefly considers opening a side business selling compost, but even that feels like too much.
- Fun Fact #3: Only 18% of gym members actually use their memberships regularly. Roger’s hoping this statistic applies to his gym soon, because if fewer people show up, he might not have to mop the floor 12 times a day. Silver linings.
Surviving the Grind
Day-to-day life for Steve, Carla, and Roger isn’t glamorous. There are no ticker-tape parades celebrating their resilience, no confetti cannons signaling the end of another successful business day. Instead, there’s an endless grind. For every customer complaint, there’s another behind it. For every unicorn latte served, there’s an impending coffee shortage. For every gym membership sold, there’s a Gary wearing flip-flops waiting in the wings.
And yet, they keep going. Maybe it’s the caffeine. Maybe it’s sheer stubbornness. Or maybe it’s because, deep down, they know that the hustle and bustle of small business life is its own kind of adventure. An exhausting, never-ending, sometimes absurd adventure—but an adventure nonetheless.
Sure, the odds are stacked against them. Sure, they’ll probably never be millionaires. And sure, they’re more likely to suffer from a customer-induced migraine than to receive a glowing Yelp review. But the thrill of surviving another day in the trenches is enough to keep them going.
As they each close up shop for the day—Steve surveying the wreckage of the Turf Incident, Carla wearily wiping down the espresso machine, and Roger loading yet another forgotten pair of flip-flops into the lost and found—they take a moment to reflect. This is their life now: a daily struggle for survival, a constant battle against the unexpected, and yet, somewhere in the chaos, a spark of hope that tomorrow will be just a little bit better.
Because who knows? Maybe tomorrow, someone will actually like their lawn being too green.
Chapter 4: The Never-Ending Wait: When Will We Get Out?
The hardest part of small business ownership isn’t the long hours, the customer complaints, or the endless hustle—it’s the gnawing uncertainty. Much like a concentration camp of entrepreneurial despair (minus the actual life-threatening danger, of course), small business owners are trapped in a limbo of waiting, hoping, and obsessively checking their bank accounts. No one tells you when—or if—you’ll “make it.” And that, dear reader, is what slowly eats away at their sanity, one unpaid invoice at a time.
Take Steve, for example. InstaLawn had big dreams—bigger than his lawnmower. His vision of a grassy empire was supposed to be, well, greener. But, as Steve now realizes, sometimes the grass really is dead on the other side. Last month, one of his clients requested “that scorched earth look” for their yard to deter neighborhood dogs from using it as a public restroom. Steve’s not sure whether to cry about the decline of human decency or thank them for saving him the trouble of fertilizing anything.
But despite his growing portfolio of “dystopian chic” lawns, Steve still waits for that big break. Maybe it’ll come in the form of a mega-contract with a chain of golf courses. Maybe it’ll be a viral moment where people realize lawns are the new avocado toast. Or maybe, just maybe, Steve will end up as the world’s first lawn consultant on HGTV. But until then, it’s a waiting game—Steve versus the stubborn, slow-growing turf of destiny.
Meanwhile, at Cuppa Buzz, Carla is locked in a similar state of purgatory. Every morning begins with the same ritual: she opens Instagram, hoping that overnight, her humble coffee shop has finally gone viral. She dreams of influencers flooding her DMs, begging for a sponsored post with their name written in foam on a latte. But so far, her only follower who actually interacts with her posts is @DogsInSunglasses—a mysterious account that, while amusing, doesn’t exactly scream “future customer base.”
Carla’s also still waiting for that magic moment where a celebrity strolls into her café and declares her the Queen of Coffee. She keeps an eye on the door, hoping that today will be the day when someone famous walks in—maybe even just a local news anchor with an addiction to unicorn lattes. Until then, she drowns her worries in cold brew and quietly curses the algorithm gods.
And then there’s Roger. Poor, poor Roger. Running Beast Mode Gym has turned out to be less about fitness and more about convincing people to care about fitness. The free trial memberships he’s been offering are a double-edged sword. On one hand, they bring people through the door. On the other hand, they bring people through the door—specifically, people like Gary, who uses the gym’s Wi-Fi to stream movies while doing half-hearted squats.
Roger is still waiting for the day when he doesn’t have to bribe people to work out with free protein bars, or worse, trade memberships for favors. Last week, he found himself bartering a month of free gym access to his plumber in exchange for fixing the eternally leaky bathroom sink. At this rate, Roger fears his business model will slowly devolve into a bizarre fitness-based barter economy.
Yet despite the free trials and odd trades, Roger still holds onto hope. He waits for the day when his gym becomes the place where athletes flock, where people show up voluntarily to do burpees at 6 a.m., and where flip-flops are no longer worn during deadlifts. Until that day comes, though, he’ll keep wiping down sweaty machines, pretending not to see Gary streaming Fast & Furious 9 on the rowing machine.
Tidbits from the Wait:
- Fun Fact #1: Did you know that 50% of small businesses never make it past the five-year mark? Steve heard this statistic and felt a strange sense of camaraderie with those who didn’t survive. “At least I’m not the only one,” he mutters, as he mails out his seventh “sorry your lawn died” refund check this week.
- Fun Fact #2: Viral fame is an elusive creature. Carla once posted what she thought was the perfect Instagram Reel: a slo-mo shot of her pouring latte art shaped like a unicorn. It got exactly 14 views, half of which were from her mom. Instagram’s mysterious algorithm remains the real MVP of her anxiety.
- Fun Fact #3: Gym memberships are notorious for attracting members who never show up. It’s a sad reality Roger has come to embrace. In fact, he’s thinking of turning it into a marketing strategy: “Join Beast Mode: where you can pay for results you never have to achieve!”
The Thrill of Waiting (Or So They Say)
Despite the uncertainty, there’s something oddly thrilling about the wait. It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff, not knowing if you’re about to take flight or plummet into the abyss. For Steve, Carla, and Roger, the thrill lies in the possibility—the possibility that tomorrow could be the day everything changes. The day Steve’s grass empire expands to actual backyards, the day Carla’s unicorn latte trend finally catches fire, or the day Roger doesn’t have to offer someone a free gym towel just to keep the lights on.
Much like prisoners waiting for an unknown release date, these three are trapped in the daily grind of business ownership with no clear exit in sight. Will they get out? Who knows. But that’s part of the ride, right? The hope, the dread, the endless “what ifs” that keep them going. What if Steve’s next turf design is featured in Better Homes & Gardens? What if Carla’s café becomes a pilgrimage site for TikTok’s trendiest? What if Roger’s gym hosts the next national CrossFit competition?
The uncertainty might be unbearable at times, but it’s also what fuels their resilience. It’s the carrot on the end of the stick, dangling just out of reach, but tempting enough to keep them trudging forward. And honestly, as exhausting as it is, there’s something exhilarating about not knowing. It’s like gambling, but with more caffeine and sweat.
Because at the end of the day, the wait isn’t just about getting out—it’s about what they’re waiting for. Success? Fame? A moment of peace where @DogsInSunglasses isn’t the highlight of Carla’s week? Whatever it is, it’s out there. Somewhere. And until they find it, they’ll keep waking up, putting on their metaphorical (or literal, in Roger’s case) boots, and facing another day in the endless, chaotic, thrilling wait for the breakthrough that could change everything.
Maybe tomorrow’s the day. Maybe not. But they’ll be there, ready, caffeinated, and, hopefully, wearing proper footwear.
Chapter 5: Hope Dies Last: The Motivation to Keep Going
There’s something deeply peculiar about the small business concentration camp—despite the endless setbacks, the failures, and the crushing weight of bills that are definitely not getting smaller, hope refuses to die. In fact, it seems to thrive in the most absurd conditions, like a dandelion growing out of the crack in a concrete sidewalk. It’s illogical, borderline delusional, but it’s there—keeping Steve, Carla, and Roger trudging along, day after mind-numbing day.
Steve, for example, still genuinely believes that InstaLawn will one day revolutionize the world of grass. He’s so sure of it, he’s created a PowerPoint presentation with phrases like “green revolution” and “paradigm shift” sprinkled liberally across 40 slides. He’s even got a slide dedicated to the benefits of eco-friendly artificial turf (spoiler: there are none, but the colors pop). Every time he’s met with a customer who demands grass so green it could blind a colorblind person, Steve clings to this dream like a life raft in a sea of withering lawns. Sure, the local market isn’t exactly clamoring for his services, but the future? The future belongs to Steve. Well, that’s what he tells himself after every “turf-related incident.”
Over at Cuppa Buzz, Carla wakes up each morning, convinced that today will be the day she turns a profit. She writes motivational quotes in chalk on the menu board—“Success is brewing!” and “Bean there, done that!”—hoping it’ll catch on with her caffeine-hungry customers. Her financial statements, however, stubbornly tell a different story. The numbers, cold and cruel as they are, seem to have a life of their own, one that doesn’t align with Carla’s vision of a thriving, profit-churning café. Yet, every day, she wipes down the counters, practices latte art (her foam tulips still look like malformed blobs), and braces herself for the inevitable influx of customers—most of whom will probably just ask to use the bathroom.
Meanwhile, Roger at Beast Mode Gym starts every morning with a motivational speech delivered directly to the most attentive audience he’s ever had: his reflection. Sure, his mirror might be mocking him, but Roger prefers to believe that those critical stares are just tough love from his future, more successful self. “You got this,” he tells himself, flexing his biceps. “One day, they’ll be lining up outside, begging to pay full price for gym memberships.” The gym’s actual financial situation suggests otherwise—Roger has been offering so many free trials and bartering deals, he’s practically running a community center for out-of-shape, budget-conscious squat enthusiasts. But, hey, hope springs eternal. Or at least, it limps along at a steady pace.
Delusional, Dogged Optimism: A Way of Life
The thing is, this strange, dogged optimism is what keeps Steve, Carla, and Roger going. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, they each have this unshakable belief that they’re just one breakthrough away from making it big. They hold onto this hope as if it’s not the only thing standing between them and the terrifying void of failure. Because here’s the secret no one tells you: small business owners are some of the most hopeful people on the planet, and they wear their optimism like a badge of honor—or, more realistically, like a stress ball they squeeze between frantic phone calls.
It doesn’t matter that Steve’s lawn service has, in his best year, barely managed to break even. Or that Carla’s café, despite its impeccable latte art (she’s working on it), still hasn’t caught on with the ethically-sourced-volcano-coffee crowd. Or that Roger’s gym, despite being filled with inspiring quotes about gains and grit, has more people using it as a glorified locker room than an actual place to work out.
These three don’t give up. They persevere. It’s like they’re trapped in some sort of entrepreneurial maze, but instead of sitting down and waiting for someone to rescue them, they keep running in circles, convinced that this time—this time—the exit will appear out of thin air. They thrive on a mix of stubbornness, caffeine, and sheer willpower.
Tidbits of Wisdom from the Hopeful (or Hopelessly Optimistic)
- Steve’s Eternal Green Dream: Despite a nearly catastrophic shortage of actual customers, Steve once took an entire afternoon to perfect his lawn-care pitch for an “exclusive” golf course that had already hired another landscaper. He’s convinced that his passion for precision grass trimming will one day inspire them to switch. “They’ll see the light,” Steve insists. “Or the grass. Either way, they’ll come around.”
- Carla’s Viral Obsession: Carla is certain her café is this close to becoming a viral sensation. She’s already planned a special “Insta-Friendly” corner, complete with faux plants, trendy neon signs, and a ring light—because obviously, the only thing standing between her and influencer stardom is better lighting. And maybe a few more followers who aren’t bots.
- Roger’s Fantasy Fitness World: Roger has already started sketching out the blueprints for a future expansion of Beast Mode Gym, even though he can barely pay rent for the single room he has now. He’s already picked the names for his themed workout areas: Absurdly Awesome Abs, Legs of Legends, and his personal favorite, Chest Quest. Hopeful? Absolutely. Premature? Very much so.
The Maze of Small Business Survival
If you’ve ever been lost in a maze—and not the fun corn maze variety, but the metaphorical labyrinth of life—you know that sense of frantic urgency mixed with blind faith that you’ll eventually find your way out. This is the daily existence of small business owners like Steve, Carla, and Roger. They’ve taken all the wrong turns, hit all the dead ends, and still, they persist. Why? Because what if the exit is just around the next corner?
It’s the what ifs that keep them alive. What if Steve’s next client is so blown away by his perfect grass installation that they recommend him to their entire neighborhood? What if Carla’s next latte creation goes viral and her café becomes the must-visit spot in town? What if Roger lands a high-profile personal trainer gig, turning his gym into a celebrity fitness hotspot?
This maze of hope, frustration, and just enough success to keep them going is the true test of their endurance. The odds may not be in their favor, but for Steve, Carla, and Roger, the alternative—giving up—is simply not an option. In the end, hope might be irrational, but it’s also their most valuable asset.
Because in the small business world, where the stakes are high and the rewards uncertain, hope doesn’t just die last—it refuses to die at all.
Chapter 6: The Outside World: Why Would You Do This to Yourself?
To the casual observer, small business owners often resemble martyrs nailed to the cross of entrepreneurship. Friends and family look on with a mixture of concern and bewilderment, asking incredulously, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” It’s like watching a reality show titled “Survivor: Small Business Edition,” where the challenges are less about voting each other off the island and more about figuring out how to keep the lights on without resorting to a bake sale.
Steve’s parents, bless their well-meaning hearts, have long since given up hope. They’ve stopped asking when he’ll get a “real job,” opting instead for the classic parental fallback of “Have you considered working for the post office?” Meanwhile, Steve can’t help but think that delivering letters doesn’t quite capture his entrepreneurial spirit. The only thing in his mailbox is a bill from the local hardware store, and let’s just say the turf delivery fiasco has made him wary of committing to any more “real” jobs.
Carla’s grandmother, a delightful lady who still thinks Instagram is a newfangled kitchen appliance, continues to send job listings for secretarial positions. “You could wear cute blouses and sit at a desk,” she insists, as though the world of paperwork and office supplies is somehow more appealing than concocting the next artisanal coffee trend. Carla rolls her eyes as she sips her latest creation—an “Organic, Gluten-Free, Non-Dairy, Anti-Inflammatory, Positive Energy Latte.” It’s not so much about the coffee anymore; it’s more about the statement she can make with each cup.
Then there’s Roger’s mom, who calls every week to suggest he open a flower shop instead. “Everyone loves flowers, dear,” she says, as though Roger could magically transform his sweat-scented gym into a botanical paradise overnight. It’s not that Roger doesn’t love flowers—he just can’t imagine a world where he’s arranging daisies instead of deadlifting dumbbells. To him, a flower shop sounds like a setup for a rom-com starring someone who inexplicably finds love while watering petunias.
The Institutionalized Mindset: Why Wouldn’t You Do This?
But, like prisoners who’ve become institutionalized, Steve, Carla, and Roger can’t fathom doing anything else. This daily grind, the uncertainty, the endless struggle—it has seeped into their very bones. It’s become a part of their identity, like that one weird hobby that you’re embarrassed to admit you have (looking at you, competitive yo-yoing).
The truth is, the thought of working for someone else feels like a fate worse than death—a bit like agreeing to participate in a three-hour seminar on the benefits of spreadsheets. They’ve tasted the freedom of being their own bosses, and let’s face it, no one else would put up with their quirks and eccentricities.
Steve imagines the horror of a 9-to-5 job where he’d have to wear a tie (his collar is already snug enough from his daily battles with turf deliveries). He’d be stuck in meetings discussing the merits of various paperclip sizes while wondering if he could sneak a side hustle in lawn care from his cubicle.
Carla, on the other hand, envisions a day spent managing someone else’s coffee shop, where she’d have to ask permission to take a bathroom break. Not to mention the possibility of serving decaf coffee to unsuspecting customers! The very idea makes her shudder. Instead, she thrives on the chaos of her own café, even if half of her customers are only there for the Wi-Fi and a place to post their latest “artistic” food photos.
Roger can’t even begin to comprehend the monotony of a traditional job. The thought of taking orders from a boss—especially one who doesn’t appreciate his motivational pep talks—is enough to send him spiraling into a heavy set of push-ups. He feels his gym is a place where he can channel all his energy and ridiculous ideas. Besides, have you ever seen someone bloom in a flower shop after a customer complains about their bouquet? No, he didn’t think so.
A Unique Brand of Insanity
In the eyes of their loved ones, Steve, Carla, and Roger are perhaps a bit insane. Yet, there’s something beautifully chaotic about their choice. They embody a unique brand of insanity—a cocktail of hope, resilience, and caffeine that only small business owners can brew.
- Steve’s Grit: In moments of despair, Steve often replays the time he managed to install a perfect lawn for a local celebrity. Sure, the celebrity didn’t even notice, but that small win—captured on a shaky cellphone camera—is the stuff of legends in Steve’s world. “If I can impress a B-list star,” he tells himself, “I can tackle anything. Who needs a ‘real job’ when you have green grass?”
- Carla’s Creativity: Carla’s latest marketing ploy involves hosting “Caffeine and Creativity” nights at the café, where local artists can display their work. Sure, it’s a bit of a gamble (and it takes place in a room filled with coffee stains), but if one artist becomes the next Instagram sensation, she’ll be poised to bask in their virality. Who wouldn’t want to say they sipped a latte while Picasso was painting in the corner?
- Roger’s Community Connection: Roger takes pride in the relationships he’s built with his “regulars.” Every week, he gathers them for a community workout—a haphazard blend of yoga and weightlifting where no one really knows what’s going on. But they keep coming back, which gives Roger a sense of purpose. They may not be getting fit, but they are definitely getting together.
The Unbreakable Bond of Small Business Ownership
In the end, the outside world might never understand the why behind the “crazy” decisions of Steve, Carla, and Roger. But here’s the kicker: they don’t need to. Their connection to their businesses runs deeper than any paycheck. They’ve forged an unbreakable bond with their craft—one that’s defined by trial and error, laughter through tears, and the sheer joy of creating something uniquely their own.
So while their family members may continue to ask, “Why would you do this to yourself?” Steve, Carla, and Roger will continue to roll their eyes and dive deeper into their entrepreneurial escapades. Because in the wild, wonderful world of small business ownership, the uncertainty is just a part of the ride, and the daily grind is the rhythm that keeps them dancing to their own tune—offbeat as it may be.
Chapter 7: The Happy Ending (Sort of)
In the grand scheme of things, the journey through the concentration camp of small business ownership can be a wild rollercoaster ride, complete with stomach-churning drops and unexpected turns. Now, unlike a real concentration camp, where escape is but a distant dream, the entrepreneurial wilderness offers a glimmer of hope. The truth is, there’s always a way out—or at least a way to transform the chaos into something resembling success.
Some brave souls do make it out, emerging not just alive but thriving. They grow old and wise, their hair peppered with the salt of experience, and eventually tell tales to other starry-eyed entrepreneurs about how they “made it.” It’s a rite of passage, like a badge of honor they wear with pride. Perhaps InstaLawn will strike gold with a celebrity endorsement, turning Steve into the next turf tycoon. “Hey, if Justin Bieber can endorse a burger chain,” he muses, “why not me and my grass?” He dreams of the day when he can share a lawn-care tip with the pop star himself—imagine the Instagram stories!
Carla is convinced that Cuppa Buzz is destined for greatness. With enough hashtags and the right travel blog feature, she envisions lines out the door for her “Tropical Sunrise Latte” infused with non-GMO, ethically sourced, rainbow-hued sprinkles. One day, while mixing up her “Caffeine and Creativity” nights, a famous influencer might just walk in, snap a pic, and boom! Overnight sensation. Until then, she finds solace in her quirky regulars—one of whom insists that his coffee must be brewed at exactly 205 degrees Fahrenheit, or he can “taste the sadness.”
As for Roger, he can almost feel the moment when Beast Mode Gym transforms into a haven for fitness enthusiasts. Perhaps all it takes is a viral TikTok dance challenge featuring his gym’s awkward yet enthusiastic participants. “If a dad can dance with his kids and go viral,” Roger thinks, “why can’t I get my members to do it while lifting weights?” He imagines his gym filled to the brim with people, each one fighting to push their limits, and he can already see his motivational posters hanging on every wall—“Sweat now, shine later!”
The Other Side of the Coin: The Unwritten Stories
However, for every success story, there are a dozen more who never escape. These stories often go unwritten, hidden behind the closed doors of shuttered storefronts. They close up shop, dust off their resumes, and rejoin the workforce—wiser, a little more cynical, and equipped with a kind of grit that only comes from fighting the good fight. They carry the scars of battles fought in the trenches of entrepreneurship, sharing their war stories over drinks that are definitely not ethically sourced.
One such soul is Brenda, who opened “Brenda’s Baguettes” with the hope of revolutionizing the bread market. After two years of battling rising flour prices and discerning customers, she finally threw in the towel. “I thought artisanal bread would be a hit,” she lamented at a local networking event, “but I didn’t account for the gluten-free, paleo-vegetarian crowd.” Now she’s found a new passion in corporate training, armed with anecdotes about the dangers of underbaking baguettes.
Another is Tom, who thought he could corner the market on novelty socks with his “Sock It To Me” shop. After a year of colorful patterns and puns, he realized that selling socks was less about fashion and more about convincing people they needed socks that looked like tacos. “Who knew the taco-sock fad would be so short-lived?” he chuckles, now comfortably employed as a product manager for a mainstream sock company.
The Transformation: Building Character, One Setback at a Time
But that’s the thing about small business ownership: it doesn’t just build character; it breaks you down and rebuilds you into a character—often with a stronger plot arc. Each struggle, each miscalculation, and every time they burnt their dinner at the café becomes part of the rich tapestry of their lives.
As Steve, Carla, and Roger reflect on their journeys, they realize they’ve learned invaluable lessons: how to negotiate like a pro, the importance of cash flow, and why it’s crucial to have more than one revenue stream. They may not have emerged unscathed, but they’ve certainly emerged transformed—like butterflies, if butterflies had to deal with customer complaints about the color of their wings.
A Toast to the Brave Souls
So, to all those brave souls toiling away in the trenches of entrepreneurship, fighting the good fight in the concentration camp of commerce, here’s to you. May your lawns be green, your coffee ethically sourced, and your deadlifts appropriately shoed.
May you find joy in the small victories, like successfully navigating a customer complaint or finally figuring out how to keep your plants alive. And most of all, may you one day find that elusive exit sign—or at least a clear path toward your next adventure.
Because while the journey may be fraught with challenges, it’s also filled with laughter, camaraderie, and a sense of purpose that only those who dare to dream can understand. Here’s to the camp of small business ownership—may it continue to thrive, one quirky entrepreneur at a time!
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.
