By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Build the Table. Pick the Guests.
The Illusion of Being Picked
We live in a world where people confuse being chosen with being valuable.
It’s like thinking you’re special because a hungry traveler picked your sandwich in a gas-station fridge.
Dostoevsky would shake his head:
“We mistake attention for love, and convenience for destiny.”
People parade “I was chosen” as if it’s a badge of superiority:
- “He picked me over her!”
- “The boss picked me for the project!”
- “She said yes to my proposal!”
Relax.
Sometimes you were chosen the way people pick the last umbrella in a rainstorm — not because it’s the finest umbrella, but because it was there.
👉 Punchline: Being picked isn’t proof of greatness. Sometimes it only means you were available.
The Harsh Reality: How People Choose
Here’s a truth Machiavelli would smirk at:
“Men are quick to love as long as it serves their interest — and quick to abandon when it no longer profits them.”
People often choose for gain, not character.
Real-world examples:
- Some pick a partner because of how big their mobile-money wallet looks, not because of their loyalty or vision.
- Some pick friends for networks, power, or prestige, hoping proximity will rub off.
- Others choose for attention or validation — whoever gets them more likes on Instagram.
👉 Life pattern:
When the wallet shrinks, the access fades, or the spotlight dims… the same people who “chose” you will find another table.
Carl Jung would say:
“Much of what people call love or loyalty is projection — when the projection breaks, so does the bond.”
👉 Lesson:
Being chosen for what you can give is a transaction.
Being chosen for who you are is a connection.
The Table Rule: Be the Chooser
Stop being flattered by who rushes to sit at your table.
Start being the one who decides who gets a seat.
If you let anyone invite themselves:
- They’ll eat the meal.
- Drink the wine.
- Snap the selfies.
- And when the bill arrives… they’ll quietly disappear.
👉 Punchline:
If you don’t choose who sits at your table, the same people who rushed to join you will un-invite themselves the minute the power, money, or spotlight fades — leaving you wondering what went wrong.
How to Be the Chooser
Being the chooser isn’t arrogance — it’s wisdom.
Machiavelli:
“A prince must discern who deserves his favor.”
Jung:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life — and you will call it fate.”
Practical steps:
1. Know Your Worth:
A king doesn’t beg for subjects.
A valuable person doesn’t beg for company.
2. Mutual Choosing:
Healthy relationships — business or personal — are mutual.
Both parties choose each other for values and character, not for surface gains.
3. Vet for Character:
Ask: Would this person still stay if the money dried up, the spotlight turned off, or the Wi-Fi went down?
4. Set Standards:
You get what you tolerate.
The table you set today determines the loyalty you’ll have tomorrow.
5. Know the Difference:
- The people you choose, or who choose you mutually, actually know you — your values, flaws, strengths.
- The people who merely choose you often just know of you — your image, your perks, your perceived power.
Modern-Day Example
In the age of social media:
- Someone might “choose” you because of followers, clout, or access.
- They orbit you, drop breadcrumbs, post cryptic quotes, or flaunt old photos to draw you back in.
- They like the appearance of being connected to you — not necessarily you.
👉 Ask yourself:
Are they here for the table… or just for the feast?
Self-Reflection
Too many wake up late to find:
They weren’t cherished.
They were just a step on someone else’s staircase.
👉 Dostoevsky’s bitter wisdom:
“The most painful thing is not betrayal. It’s realizing you provided the knife.”
👉 Rule:
Don’t resent being used once. Resent staying in a position to be used twice.
Final Word
Life isn’t about collecting people who “chose” you.
It’s about surrounding yourself with people you would also choose — even if all you had to offer was character, integrity, and loyalty.
👉 The real power isn’t in being invited.
The real power is in building the table, owning the chairs, and deciding who gets a plate.
The people you choose — or whose choosing is mutual — know you.
The people who merely choose you often only know of you.
Ultimate Punchline
Be the chooser.
Or be prepared to be the discarded option when your “value” no longer looks shiny to someone else.
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.