By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
A narcissist is basically Wi-Fi with one bar: always demanding attention, never delivering substance. They walk into a room like it’s a movie premiere, and you? You’re just the background extra paid in stale popcorn.
They’ll tell the same story 20 times, each time casting themselves as the misunderstood genius, the hero, or the victim of a world too cruel to appreciate their greatness. If you try to change the subject, they’ll yank it back like a dog on a leash. For them, the universe is one big spotlight — and you’re lucky if you even get to hold the flashlight.
And when you don’t hold the flashlight the “right” way? Suddenly, you’re ungrateful. You don’t “appreciate them.” You’re “toxic.” Translation: you dared to stop clapping.
Their Toolkit
- Gaslight 101: Twist reality until you wonder if you’re the one losing it. If you saw them eat your sandwich, they’ll not only deny it but suggest you never had a sandwich to begin with. And if that fails, they’ll insist it was their sandwich all along, and you’re the thief.
- Blame Shifting: They could sink a boat and blame you for not learning to swim faster. Bonus points if they give a TED Talk about how they were the real victim of “poor shipbuilding.” If you confront them, they’ll say, “You’re too sensitive.”
- Selective Empathy: They’ll cry at their own Instagram posts, but not at your actual pain. Your grandma could pass away, and they’ll console you with: “Yeah, that’s sad, but do you know how hard my week has been?” They’re allergic to anything that’s not about them.
- Grandstanding: If they save a fly from drowning, they’ll compare it to Nelson Mandela freeing a nation. And yes, they’ll write a 12-part Twitter thread about the “resilience” and “bravery” it took. Expect hashtags like #HumbleHero and #LivingLegend.
Relationship Edition ❤️💔
Dating a narcissist is like signing up for a roller coaster that only goes down. At first, it’s fireworks and champagne; later, it’s emotional receipts, guilt coupons, and a permanent audition to be their fan club president.
At the start, they’ll love-bomb you — flowers, texts, poems, maybe even a playlist titled “Us.” But soon, it’s not about us, it’s about them. You become an unpaid therapist, a full-time hype squad, and a hostage to their fragile ego. Every disagreement turns into your fault. Every silence is punishment. And every compliment you give vanishes like water poured into sand — they just need more, more, more.
And if you ever try to leave? Cue the Oscar-worthy performance: tears, promises to change, declarations of eternal love. Until next week, when the cycle resets and you’re right back at square one.
Workplace Edition
A narcissistic boss doesn’t just “delegate”—they outsource accountability. They’ll steal your idea, wrap it in ego glitter, and present it as their “visionary breakthrough.” Criticize them? Congratulations, you’ve just been cast as the villain in their tragic hero saga.
They’ll schedule meetings just to hear themselves talk. They’ll demand loyalty but give none. And if the company wins an award? Expect a 20-minute speech about their visionary leadership. If it fails? That’s on the “incompetent team” — i.e., you.
Working under them is like starring in “Survivor: Corporate Edition.” You’re constantly dodging blame grenades while pretending their mediocrity is “inspirational.” And heaven forbid you outperform them — they’ll either sabotage you or smear you, because no spotlight is allowed to shine brighter than theirs.
Narcissist Employees
If narcissistic bosses are nightmares, narcissistic employees are termites: they eat away at the foundation of the workplace while smiling at you in the breakroom.
They’re the ones who exaggerate résumés like they cured cancer, when in reality they just refilled the office printer. They hog credit in team projects but vanish the second real work shows up. When something fails, they morph into FBI-level investigators — not to fix the problem, but to make sure someone else gets blamed.
- Meetings? They dominate, talk in circles, and repeat your idea 5 minutes later as if it was theirs.
- Teamwork? Only if “team” means “everybody else works, and I collect glory.”
- Feedback? Criticism is treated like a personal hate crime against their soul.
- Promotion? They’ll campaign harder than a politician, but once they get the role, you discover their real talent was just self-promotion.
They’re toxic accelerants: morale plummets, collaboration collapses, and suddenly the entire team is focused on managing them instead of doing actual work.
The Punchline
Here’s the secret: narcissists aren’t confident. They’re leaky buckets disguised as fountains. They demand endless praise because deep down they’re terrified the world might see what they see in the mirror when the filters are off — just another ordinary human.
They can’t stand the thought of being average, so they inflate. They puff up their résumés, exaggerate stories, and curate every detail of their lives like Instagram influencers with zero followers. And the cruel joke? No matter how much admiration they hoard, it’s never enough. They’re starving at a feast — demanding more applause even while the crowd has gone home.
The Narcissist Survival Playbook
You can’t cure a narcissist, but you can outwit one. Think of it like handling fire: don’t try to hug it, just learn not to get burned.
1. Spot the Red Flags Early
If someone talks more about themselves in 10 minutes than you’ve talked about yourself in 10 years — congratulations, you’ve found one.
2. Set Boundaries Like Concrete Walls
A narcissist treats weak boundaries like an open buffet. Once they see you’ll cave, they’ll pile on. Say “no” once, firmly, and mean it.
3. Don’t Take the Bait
They want you emotional, flustered, defensive. That’s how they win. Keep calm. Smile. Be boring. Narcissists feed on drama — starve them.
4. Document Everything at Work
With narcissistic bosses or employees, screenshots and paper trails are your best friends. When the blame Olympics begin, receipts are gold medals.
5. Stop Trying to Fix Them
They don’t want fixing. They want worship. The more you “help,” the more they’ll drain. Save the therapy sessions for someone who actually listens.
6. Have an Exit Strategy
Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a friendship — plan your way out. Narcissists rarely let go peacefully. Expect the drama, but don’t let it derail you.
The Survival Playbook: Special Editions
Dating Narcissists
- Love-Bomb Detox: If it feels like a fairy tale after 48 hours, remember: fairy tales have witches, curses, and unhappy endings.
- Keep Your Receipts: Not literal receipts — emotional ones. Track patterns, because they’ll rewrite history.
- Never Compete with Their Ego: You’ll lose. Their ego is like the universe: ever-expanding, mostly empty, and fueled by hot gas.
- Have a Friend on Speed Dial: Someone sane to remind you that you’re not crazy, you’re just dating someone who thinks they’re the second coming.
Real-World Example: That guy who proposes on the third date, showers you with gifts, then a month later sulks because you didn’t clap hard enough at his karaoke performance.
Workplace Bosses
- Copy Yourself on Emails: Every. Single. One.
- Praise Them Strategically: Sometimes you need to feed the beast just to buy breathing room. Toss them compliments like Scooby Snacks, but don’t choke on them.
- Network Quietly: Build allies behind the scenes. You’ll need backup when they inevitably make you the scapegoat.
- Know When to Run: Some bosses aren’t “challenging” — they’re career poison. Don’t martyr yourself.
Real-World Example: The CEO who tanks quarterly results but still delivers a keynote about their “visionary disruption.” When layoffs hit, they blame “market forces” while cashing a bonus the size of a small country’s GDP.
Employees
- Never Compete for Attention: Let them hog the stage. When the spotlight turns harsh, they’ll self-destruct under it.
- Assign Clear Deliverables: Make tasks so specific that their “creative reinterpretations” get exposed.
- Share Credit Loudly: “Thanks to the whole team, especially X for this part…” — leave them with just enough rope.
- Exit Before They Rot the Team: Narcissists are workplace termites. If leadership won’t fumigate, save yourself before the whole foundation caves.
Real-World Example: The coworker who brags about pulling an “all-nighter” but really just rearranged a PowerPoint theme and changed the font size — then demands recognition for “saving the project.”
The Narcissist Encyclopedia
Family Narcissists
Every family has one: the uncle who thinks every reunion is his TED Talk, the aunt who cries if the spotlight shifts for 30 seconds, or the parent who treats your life as their achievement showcase.
- Thanksgiving becomes their award ceremony.
- Your graduation? Just a backdrop for their speech about “how hard it was raising such brilliance.”
- Your birthday? A perfect chance for them to talk about their sacrifices.
Real-World Example: Mom gives a 15-minute speech at your wedding reception — about her own childhood struggles.
Social Media Narcissists
The modern breeding ground. These folks live for likes like plants live for sunlight. They curate “authenticity” with the precision of NASA engineers, posting tearful selfies about how “vulnerable” they are — with ring lights on and 12 retakes.
- Every vacation is a photoshoot.
- Every meal is a cinematic masterpiece.
- Every life event is just “content.”
Real-World Example: The guy who posts a black-and-white crying selfie captioned “mental health is important” but deletes your comment when you suggest therapy.
Political Narcissists
This is where narcissism stops being annoying and starts being dangerous. These are leaders who believe the nation is their personal brand campaign. They don’t run countries — they run PR firms with armies and nukes.
- Every policy? A vanity project.
- Every speech? A self-congratulation marathon.
- Every failure? The fault of “fake news” or “haters.”
Real-World Example: The politician who cuts healthcare but builds a golden statue of themselves “to inspire the people.”
The Narcissist Encyclopedia: The Unholy Trinity
Celebrity Narcissists
The Hollywood variety. They don’t just crave attention — they inject it. They need publicists the way fish need water.
- Award shows become worship services.
- Charity work comes with camera crews.
- Their autobiography drops at age 23.
Real-World Example: The pop star who cancels a tour “for mental health” but shows up the next day for a yacht party with paparazzi conveniently present.
Religious/Spiritual Narcissists
The holier-than-thou breed. They cloak their ego in scripture, incense, or “higher vibrations.” They don’t want to save your soul — they want you to admire how enlightened they are.
- Sermons double as brag reels.
- Spiritual retreats become fan conventions.
- They weaponize guilt as currency.
Real-World Example: The preacher who condemns greed on Sunday, then flies home in a private jet named Humility One.
Corporate Narcissists
These live in boardrooms, wearing designer suits like armor. Their LinkedIn posts read like scripture, and they call themselves “visionary leaders” while outsourcing their vision to interns.
- Company culture = worship culture.
- Earnings calls = ego calls.
- Layoffs = “strategic pivots” (while their bonus grows).
Real-World Example: The executive who shuts down factories, tanks pensions, but still pats themselves on the back for “disrupting the industry.”
The Narcissist Encyclopedia: Final Volume
Academic Narcissists
These are the professors who don’t teach — they perform. Their office walls are plastered with degrees, and they cite themselves in casual conversation.
- Lectures become monologues about their brilliance.
- Students are props in their intellectual theater.
- They grade harshly just to remind you who the genius is.
Real-World Example: The professor who interrupts your thesis defense to remind everyone how their groundbreaking work made your “little paper” possible.
Artistic Narcissists
Painters, writers, musicians, actors — the tortured souls who believe the universe revolves around their “vision.” They don’t just make art; they demand worship for existing.
- Every doodle is a “masterpiece.”
- Every performance is “ahead of its time.”
- Every critique? Proof the world isn’t ready for their genius.
Real-World Example: The poet who storms out of open mic night because the audience didn’t “understand the layers” in their haiku about breakfast cereal.
Activist Narcissists
The ones who hijack causes not to change the world, but to boost their personal brand. They weaponize justice for clout.
- Protests double as photoshoots.
- Speeches end with their Venmo handle.
- They center themselves in every cause — even ones that aren’t theirs.
Real-World Example: The activist who turns up at rallies just long enough to get the perfect Instagram shot of them “fighting the system” — then leaves before cleanup begins.
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.