By: John S. Morlu II, CPA — Chief Executive of Common Sense and Enemy of “Tomorrow Mentality”
Scene One: Monday Morning Madness
You wake up, caffeinated, motivated, and slightly delusional — thinking today is the day things will change. You wear your best outfit. You’re ready to conquer corruption, inefficiency, and maybe — just maybe — get someone to reply to your email.
You arrive at the office at 8:00 a.m. sharp.
Plot twist:
- The cleaner hasn’t arrived.
- The gate is locked.
- Security guard is sleeping like he just finished 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.
- And when someone finally shows up, they’re chewing breakfast and asking, “You dey rush go where?”
Right there — you realize — you’ve already lost to the snail.
Why the Snail Deserves a Medal
Let’s stop the smear campaign against snails.
Yes, they are slow.
Yes, they’re slimy.
But they have something most developing country institutions do not:
Consistency.
Snails don’t blame colonialism, funding gaps, or “the weather.”
They don’t form committees to discuss movement strategy.
They just move — one slow, determined slime trail at a time.
Meanwhile, in many places:
“We are working on it” is code for “nothing will happen until the next election cycle.”
African Time: The Only Time Zone That’s Flexible by Faith
In other countries, lateness is an exception. In ours, it’s a national personality trait.
They say:
- “I’m on the way.”
Translation: Still in bed. - “Give me 5 minutes.”
Translation: Go ahead and die waiting. - “We’re almost done.”
Translation: We haven’t started.
Let’s face it — if we powered our cities with excuses, we’d have uninterrupted electricity.
Legacy Systems & Ancient Rituals
Fun Fact: Somewhere in a Ministry of Something Important, an office still uses:
- Typewriters
- Landlines with rotary dials
- Windows XP
- And a filing cabinet that hasn’t been opened since Y2K
And when you ask for digital records?
They tell you, “We’re migrating systems.”
Translation: They bought one laptop and the IT guy took it home to watch Netflix.
Tea Breaks: The Only Thing That Works On Time
If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s the tea break.
10:00 a.m.? Tea.
12:00 p.m.? Snack.
2:00 p.m.? Extended lunch.
3:30 p.m.? Tea again, because “the weather looks like it’s about to rain.”
4:15 p.m.? “Let’s call it a day.”
Meanwhile, the snail is still grinding.
No tea.
No union.
No transport allowance.
Just work.
Procrastination as a Policy
You know it’s bad when:
- Memos take 3 weeks to draft
- Meetings take 2 months to schedule
- And implementing a 2-page document requires a steering committee, 5 consultants, a retreat, and divine intervention
At this rate, if there were a fire, half the staff would call a meeting to review the flames and propose a pilot program to extinguish them later.
Common Sense: Now Endangered
Let’s be brutally honest:
If you give someone a government laptop, they use it to:
1. Stream soap operas
2. Apply for leave
3. Complain about internet speed
4. Play Candy Crush
5. And somehow, still fail to send the email you asked for 2 weeks ago
You ask, “What’s the delay?”
They say, “We’re waiting for clearance.”
Clearance from who?
God?
The “Big Man” Syndrome
Progress in some offices is now dependent on one mythical creature: The Big Man.
A man so powerful, he hasn’t touched a file in 11 years — but nothing moves without his signature.
You could build a spaceship and be ready to launch, but if the Big Man hasn’t seen it — back to the drawing board.
Even the snail doesn’t wait for approval. It just GOES.
Side Effects of No Urgency
- Projects fail
- Budgets expire
- Donor funds are returned
- Citizens suffer
- Competitors outpace us
- And then… we write a report about what went wrong — without fixing it.
We call that “lessons learned.”
Except — we don’t learn.
We print the report. Bind it. Shelf it. Repeat the failure.
How to Hire People Who Beat the Snail
Here’s your new HR checklist:
☑️ Do you show up on time?
☑️ Do you do the job you’re paid for?
☑️ Do you understand that WhatsApp is not a project management tool?
☑️ Are you faster than a mollusk?
If the answer to all four is “No” — congratulations, you’re currently employed somewhere.
Urgency Is a Revolutionary Act
Listen — urgency is not about panic.
It’s about respecting time,
honoring commitments,
and getting things DONE.
We don’t need superheroes.
We just need ordinary people to:
- Reply to emails
- Show up
- Do the work
- And stop acting like “trying” is a deliverable
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Closing Argument: The Snail Is Winning Because You Let It
Here’s what’s really at stake:
Every time you delay, procrastinate, or deflect — a child somewhere stays poor.
A business collapses.
An opportunity dies.
A country stagnates.
Meanwhile, the snail?
Still moving.
Still grinding.
Still embarrassing your ministry.
If that doesn’t light a fire under your chair — check your pulse. You may be the problem.
Final Call:
Don’t be the reason someone believes Africa can’t work.
Don’t be the case study for donor fatigue.
Don’t let a snail outpace your entire department.
Be faster than the snail. That’s the minimum.
Anything less, and we’re just decorating failure with excuses.
Byline: John S. Morlu II, CPA — Crusader Against Laziness, Humorist of Harsh Truths, and Chief Evangelist for Getting Stuff Done.
Author: John S. Morlu II, CPA is the CEO and Chief Strategist of JS Morlu, leads a globally recognized public accounting and management consultancy firm. Under his visionary leadership, JS Morlu has become a pioneer in developing cutting-edge technologies across B2B, B2C, P2P, and B2G verticals. The firm’s groundbreaking innovations include AI-powered reconciliation software (ReckSoft.com) and advanced cloud accounting solutions (FinovatePro.com), setting new industry standards for efficiency, accuracy, and technological excellence.
