By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
🍽️ True Fact: If you don’t leave a Kenyan meal feeling slightly overfed and deeply satisfied, were you even invited? Here, seconds are mandatory, thirds are polite — and a fourth round is where the real respect begins.
🍖 Nyama Choma Hack: Want the best roast meat in Nairobi? Find the noisiest roadside joint with mismatched plastic chairs. The more people yelling at the grill master, the better the flavor.
🧄 Chapati Science: Good chapati has visible layers. Great chapati causes traffic. During elections, politicians bribe voters with chapati and tea — and somehow, no one is mad about it.
🐔 Chicken Debate: Every family swears their village chicken tastes better than yours. And they’ll prove it — by sending an entire cooler full of it on a bus from Kisumu.
🕊️ The Sukuma Wiki Theory: Some say Sukuma has healing properties. Others believe it’s just highly persistent. It’s the spinach of resilience — always there when you need to stretch your budget or your digestive tract.
🍚 Matoke Myth: Rumor has it if you cook matoke too fast, your ancestors will frown. The banana-to-stew ratio must be spiritually approved — or your in-laws will talk.
🍲 The Food Selfie Rule: In Kenya, you must take a picture before eating. If not for Instagram, then for your cousin in America who misses ugali and needs proof you’re thriving.
🍛 Midnight Snacks: Food doesn’t sleep in Kenya. You can get grilled maize, samosas, and full meals at midnight from a kiosk, a boda guy, or someone’s auntie with a charcoal stove and big dreams.
If there’s one thing that unites all Kenyans — it’s food. Delicious, spicy, soulful food.
Whether you’re rich, broke, expat, or local — you’re eating something that slaps. And not just once a day. No sir, Nairobi’s food scene doesn’t believe in subtlety. It believes in flavor bombs and massive portions.
🍛 Ugali – The national staple. Made from maize flour and cooked into a dense, dough-like sidekick. It’s not a meal — it’s a workout. You eat it by hand, and if it doesn’t stick together, you made it wrong.
🍖 Nyama Choma – Roasted meat. Charred, juicy, and unapologetically primal. Served with a mountain of salt, kachumbari (tomato-onion salsa), and the look of someone who’s not sharing.
🥘 Sukuma Wiki – Collard greens sautéed with onions. The name means “push the week” because it helps poor folks survive until payday. But rich folks eat it too, because… why not?
🍲 Chapati – A soft, flaky flatbread that’s Kenya’s answer to edible love. It goes with everything — stew, tea, or silence.
🍹 Madafu – Young coconut water served straight from the shell. Hydrating, photogenic, and great for pretending you’re on a tropical vacation even when you’re dodging Nairobi traffic.
🍌 Matoke – Cooked green bananas often served in a savory sauce. Not sweet, but satisfying. Like the cousin of plantains that went to college.
🎭 Satirical Truth: In Kenya, people plan weddings around the menu. If the food is bad, it doesn’t matter who got married. “Who catered?” becomes the real gossip.
🥡 Interesting Tidbit: Kenyans eat late — often past 9 PM — and don’t mind waiting. If your food comes out in under 15 minutes, they’ll assume it was cooked yesterday.
🍕 International Twist: Nairobi has embraced every cuisine: Italian pizza, Indian curries, Chinese dim sum, American burgers, and Korean BBQ — all with a Kenyan flair. Yes, you can get goat meat on your sushi roll if you ask nicely.
📲 Digital Dining: Kenyans order via apps like Glovo, Uber Eats, and Jumia Food — but half the time, they still call the restaurant to “confirm” the order. Trust, but verify.
👨🍳 Business Tip: If you’re starting a restaurant in Kenya, remember two things — have chapati on the menu, and NEVER run out of meat. That’s a national offense.
Food here isn’t just nourishment — it’s politics, culture, religion, and personality all rolled into one.
Next up, Chapter Thirty-Five:
“Kenya After Dark – The 24-Hour Hustle and Nightlife That Never Sleeps.”
About the Author
John is an entrepreneur, strategist, and founder of JS Morlu, LLC, a Virginia based CPA firm with multiple software ventures including www.FinovatePro.com, www.Recksoft.com and www.Fixaars.com . With operations spanning multiple countries, John is on a mission to build global infrastructure that empowers small businesses, entrepreneurs, and professionals to thrive in an increasingly competitive world. He believes in hard truths, smart execution, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. When he’s not writing or building, he’s challenging someone to a productivity contest—or inventing software that automates it.