By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
In Kenya, transportation is not just about getting from Point A to B. It’s about survival, strategy, and sometimes spiritual awakening. The roads are alive — full of colors, chaos, and characters who deserve their own reality show.
Matatus: Loud, Proud, and Unapologetically Extra
Matatus (public minibuses) are more than vehicles. They’re mobile discos, political statements, and art galleries — all in one. Covered in graffiti, blasting the latest hits, and often named after movies, celebrities, or moral lessons (“Thou Shalt Not Lie”), matatus are where the real Nairobi culture lives.
Forget GPS — matatu drivers have sixth sense. They’ll invent new roads, drive on sidewalks, and stop wherever they feel the spirit. Need to get somewhere fast? A matatu will get you there… and teach you three life lessons along the way.
🎵 Bonus: Some matatus have DJs, TVs, strobe lights, and onboard Wi-Fi — because why not?
Fun Fact: There’s a matatu in Nairobi with a 70-inch screen and better sound than most cinemas. It’s basically a nightclub with wheels.
Matatu Wisdom:
- “Seats 14, but comfortably fits 22 — if no one breathes too deeply.”
- If you hear reggae playing, expect loud debates on politics, conspiracies, and Manchester United.
- The conductor’s handshake can tell if you’re broke or just pretending.
Boda Bodas: Motorbike Hustle & Speed
Boda bodas (motorbike taxis) are the fastest way to move — if you also like adrenaline and mild heart attacks. They’ll weave through traffic like a needle through cloth and deliver you anywhere, even places Google Maps gave up on.
Need groceries, a suit, a live chicken delivered? Boda bodas got you. Rain or shine, potholes or protests — they ride.
🐐 Fun Fact: A boda once carried a goat, 3 passengers, a mattress, a bed frame, two bags of cement, and someone’s hopes and dreams — all at once.
Boda riders are human Waze apps. They know shortcuts so deep, even your ancestors don’t know them.
Traffic: The Unofficial Olympics
Kenyan traffic isn’t for the weak. It builds patience, character, and deep existential questions. Like:
- “Why is this lane moving backwards?”
- “Was that a donkey on the highway?”
- “Should I just walk to Uganda?”
Everyone becomes a philosopher in traffic. It’s where career choices are reconsidered and new life goals are born. You enter with ambition, leave with inner peace… or high blood pressure.
Roadside entertainment includes:
- Hawkers selling everything from baby clothes to potted plants.
- Live preaching with a microphone and portable speaker.
- Random goats crossing at their own pace — because who’s stopping them?
Fun Facts & Tidbits:
- Matatus are banned from CBD during peak hours — which means they just sneak in creatively, like rebellious teenagers.
- A horn in Kenya means anything from “hello” to “you’re about to die.”
- Some boda riders can calculate your change faster than a calculator.
- The Nairobi Expressway is fast… unless there’s a wedding procession, presidential convoy, or a cow protesting toll fees.
Final Stop
Navigating Kenya’s transport jungle is a rite of passage. It’s chaos wrapped in color, driven by hustle, and powered by optimism.
You’ll be late, you’ll be amazed, you’ll swear you saw your life flash before your eyes — but you’ll get there. Eventually. And with stories worth retelling.
Next up in Chapter Fifteen:
“Kenyans and English – The Accents, the Sayings, and the Savage Grammar Twists.”
About the Author
John is an entrepreneur, strategist, and founder of JS Morlu, LLC, a Virginia based CPA firm with multiple software ventures including www.FinovatePro.com, www.Recksoft.com and www.Fixaars.com . With operations spanning multiple countries, John is on a mission to build global infrastructure that empowers small businesses, entrepreneurs, and professionals to thrive in an increasingly competitive world. He believes in hard truths, smart execution, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. When he’s not writing or building, he’s challenging someone to a productivity contest—or inventing software that automates it.
