By: John S. Morlu II, CPA
Welcome to Earth — population: 8 billion, honesty rate: questionable. We live in a world where “How are you?” is a trap, “I’m fine” is code red, and “Let’s catch up soon” means never, not in this lifetime, not even in the metaverse. This isn’t about malicious deception — this is the everyday lying Olympics. And guess what? We’re all gold medalists.
Here are 10 of the most common, casual lies we tell — packed with humor, fun facts, and enough truth to make you laugh and then cry into your cereal.
1. “How’s Business?”
What We Say: “Business is booming!”
What We Mean: “I’m one client away from selling my office chair and turning my living room into a yoga studio.”
This is the lie we rehearse in the mirror. The confident handshake, the firm nod, the humble brag. In reality, you’ve maxed out three credit cards, your accountant keeps saying “interesting,” and your intern just quit — and she wasn’t even getting paid.
Fun Fact: 90% of businesses fail within 10 years. The other 10% just haven’t filed the paperwork yet.
Funny Thought: If your business is “killing it,” why do you still share a Netflix account with your cousin?
Bonus Lie: “We just landed a major client.” Translation: “They said they’d think about it.”
2. “I Love You.”
What We Say: “Forever and always.”
What We Mean: “Until one of us forgets a birthday, starts liking thirst traps, or leaves dishes in the sink.”
This three-word phrase has started wars, ended bank accounts, and launched at least 12,000 reality shows. It’s tossed around like confetti at a wedding — fun in the moment, a mess to clean up later.
We say “You’re my soulmate” when what we really mean is: “I like you enough not to cancel dinner, but let’s not bring up joint bank accounts just yet.”
“I love you” is the most powerful phrase we can say… and the most abused. It can mean anything from “I’d take a bullet for you” to “Please don’t check my phone or my search history.”
It’s said too soon, too late, or too casually — and sometimes, it really just means, “I want to keep sharing your Netflix password.”
Stat to Sigh Over: Nearly 60% of couples who say “I love you” end up breaking up or divorcing. The other 40% stay together out of fear of starting over, splitting the couch, or losing the dog in the divorce.
Common Sense Test: Before you believe “I love you,” ask: Do they love me, or just my snacks, my free rides, and the fact that I don’t charge them rent?
Red Flag Alert: If someone says “I love you” after three dates and also says, “Don’t tag me in anything,” congratulations — you’re dating a walking red flag in designer shoes.
Wallet Alert: In some cases, “I love you” is a prelude to “I need your Social Security number, mobile money account, and a quick loan.”
Celebrity Bonus: Trump, Musk, Bezos, and the billionaire squad — they don’t say “I love you.” They say, “Let’s draft a contract.” For them, love is negotiable, but prenups are non-refundable.
Funny Tip: If someone says “I love you” and flips their phone face-down every time it buzzes, you’re not in love — you’re in a live magic show. And the trick is on you.
3. “How Are You?”
What We Say: “I’m doing great!”
What We Mean: “I just screamed into a pillow and Googled ‘how much does it cost to move to a remote village in Iceland.’”
We all lie here. It’s social Tetris. The right answer fits, the honest one breaks the game. Because nobody wants to hear, “My job sucks, my dog’s in therapy, and I’ve eaten canned beans for three nights in a row.”
Fun Fact: “I’m good” is the most commonly used lie in the English language — followed closely by “I have read and agree to the terms and conditions.”
Pro Move: Next time, say “surviving” — it’s honest, vague, and still gives you room to cry later.
4. “I’m Fine.”
What We Say: “Fine.”
What We Mean: “I’ve had three emotional breakdowns today and none of them were scheduled.”
This is the emotional “Ctrl + Alt + Delete” of human interaction. It’s our way of shutting down without crashing completely. Say it flat enough, and people back away. Say it too loud, and you start a group intervention.
Fine Translator:
• “I’m fine.” = Absolutely not fine.
• “I SAID I’m fine.” = Run.
• “I’m fine, okay?” = They’ve mentally packed a suitcase and are heading to a cabin in the woods.
Bonus Tip: If someone says “I’m fine” while vacuuming angrily, just leave snacks at the door and retreat.
5. “Let’s Keep in Touch.”
What We Say: “Let’s catch up soon!”
What We Mean: “You’ll never see me again unless we both end up on the same flight… in the middle seat… during turbulence.”
This is the polite version of ghosting. It sounds like a promise, but it’s actually a gentle “Bye forever.”
Fun Fact: The average adult “keeps in touch” with 3% of the people they say this to. The other 97% are in the Witness Protection Program (emotionally).
Funny Example: You said “keep in touch” to your college roommate in 2011. They now have three kids, a beard, and a LinkedIn account that says “self-employed.”
Bonus Lie: “We should definitely grab lunch.” You won’t. You’re both lying. And that’s okay.
6. “We’re Just Taking a Break.”
What We Say: “We just need space.”
What We Mean: “We’re breaking up… we just haven’t notified the group chat yet.”
This phrase is the holding pattern of heartbreak. You’re circling the emotional airport, but the relationship already crash-landed.
Fun Fact: 85% of people who take a break never get back together. The other 15% regret it during the holidays.
Hilarious Warning Sign: If one person is “taking a break” while the other is posting thirst traps — congrats, you’re single.
Bonus Clue: “It’s not you, it’s me.” No, it’s definitely you. And probably your phone history.
7. “I’ll Call You Back.”
What We Say: “Let me call you right back.”
What We Mean: “I’m about to put my phone on Do Not Disturb until next spring.”
It’s the phone call equivalent of a disappearing act. The “abracadabra” of avoidance. You say it because hanging up is hard, and honesty is harder.
Fun Fact: Only 23% of people who say they’ll “call back” actually do. The rest just hope you forget they exist.
Funny Truth: “I’ll call you right back” is what people say before they toss their phone across the room and go eat snacks in peace.
8. “I’m On My Way.”
What We Say: “Be there in 5!”
What We Mean: “I haven’t showered, my clothes are still in the dryer, and I forgot where we were meeting.”
Time means nothing anymore. We treat “5 minutes” like it’s a suggestion — like “best by” dates on sour cream.
Fun Fact: Most people lie about being on their way even while still watching Netflix and debating outfits.
Funny Line: If you’re ever late, just say, “Sorry, traffic was crazy.” Even if you walked. It works every time.
Pro Tip: If they say “5 minutes away,” check if they’ve even left the group chat.
9. “I’ve Read the Terms and Conditions.”
What We Say: “I agree.”
What We Mean: “I scrolled, blinked, clicked, and accidentally gave away naming rights to my future children.”
This is the digital lie we all agree to with wild confidence. We accept faster than we read restaurant menus.
Fun Fact: One study inserted the phrase “you agree to give us your immortal soul” into a fake T&C — and thousands agreed.
Funny Realization: You might’ve already agreed to donate a kidney, name your dog “Zuckerberg,” and let an app track you in the shower.
Reminder: Clicking “I agree” is the riskiest thing you’ll do online… right after replying “sure” to a group project.
10. “Money’s Not That Important to Me.”
What We Say: “I just want to make a difference.”
What We Mean: “I just want to make a difference — and also afford guacamole without panicking.”
We say this at job interviews, graduation speeches, and anywhere we want to sound morally superior. But let the rent hit and suddenly “making a difference” turns into “Do you want fries with that?”
Fun Fact: Most people who say money isn’t important are either very rich… or very good at lying to themselves.
Funny Truth: Try telling your landlord, “I’m rich in purpose.” See how long it takes before they show up with an eviction notice.
So Why Do We Lie Like This?
Because the truth is awkward. Because people want quick answers. Because we’re tired, broke, hungry, or emotionally unstable — and nobody has time for that.
We lie to keep it moving. To survive small talk. To get out of explaining our 14 failed side hustles.
And sometimes… just to sound cooler than we are.
Final Thoughts
These aren’t toxic lies. These are survival lies. Tiny social grease to keep the awkward wheels turning.
But every once in a while, it’s okay to drop the act.
Say:
• “I’m trying my best.”
• “Life’s weird, but I’m hanging in there.”
• “I don’t have it figured out, but I’ve got snacks and Wi-Fi.”
Because whether we lie or not — we’re all faking something.
So smile. Lie fabulously.
And survive another day…
Until someone says, “So… how’s everything going?”
And that, my friend, is your cue to lie like a legend.
About the Author
John is an entrepreneur, strategist, and founder of JS Morlu, LLC, a Virginia based CPA firm with multiple software ventures including www.FinovatePro.com, www.Recksoft.com and www.Fixaars.com . With operations spanning multiple countries, John is on a mission to build global infrastructure that empowers small businesses, entrepreneurs, and professionals to thrive in an increasingly competitive world. He believes in hard truths, smart execution, and the relentless pursuit of excellence. When he’s not writing or building, he’s challenging someone to a productivity contest—or inventing software that automates it.
